Monday, April 23, 2012

Clear and Bright: Chapter Twenty Eight: Blind



"I've been thinking... and I don't know if I can marry you, Jaimin."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"Well... you're becoming incredibly lazy and unmotivated. Not at all the man I first fell in love with. And I want to marry a man that works. Hard. And takes control of his life. And-"

He thrusts up hard into me with narrowed eyes, "Is that right?"

"Uh... huh... " is all I can manage in response.

A day hasn't gone by that we haven't been in this position since he first surrendered himself to me, but this position is the only one we've been in.

Me on top.

Not that he doesn't participate...

But he's yet to take control.

And I'm really not complaining... my god, am I not complaining... but I'm not sure my legs can take any more. I'm not sure something else can, either...

But I'm nothing if not prepared to battle this storm to the death.

"If you want something, Claire, then ask for it. But be careful... I just might give it to you."

"It's what I'm hoping for. And I believe we've visited careful before. If I were careful-"

He's on top of me before I can finish making my point, and my heart pounds furiously in my chest that he may finally be ready, and willing, to make his own.

But the look in his eyes tells me that perhaps there was a better way to get him here...

And I know by that look that his eyes aren't the only thing that's going to inform me of that.

But just maybe my mouth can get me out from under the storm it set me directly underneath of before it opens up and thrashes me.

"You're right, Jaimin... I really should be more careful. With my words. And with the beautiful man that has been so careful with me. And while I meant what I said to be playful... and perhaps inspire you to prove me wrong... it wasn't funny. It wasn't funny at all. And I love you. And I'm sorry."

"It's not like you to retract what your smart little mouth throws at me before it gets you into trouble. Not feeling so brave all of the sudden, Claire? Now that you're trapped by what it brought you? I haven't even flipped you over yet."

"I know. And whether you do or you don't, I'm still sorry. And I do want to marry you. More than anything in the world. I-"

"Even if I do?"

"Yes."

"And do you think I'm going to?"

"I don't know. You might, I suppose... if you see fit to."

"You're right. I might... if I see fit to... but, sweetheart... there are other ways I could punish you. Other ways  that would feel good, which is not what I feel when I have to damage my pretty little ass for the things my pretty little mouth says."

"Punishment made of reward?" I ask, as he pins my arms above my head and starts to move inside of me. "Are you going soft on me?"

"Does it feel like I'm going soft on you, Claire?" he asks, and slams into me so hard I think the walls around us shake. Or maybe it's just mine...

"Fuck... nooooo."

Nor is there any chance that he will now. Shit!

"Such a naughty little mouth you have today," he says, shaking his head.

I pout as he pulls out of me, both at the loss of him, and at the loss of feeling I wish I had. This is going to hurt...

"Turn over," he says with a heavy sigh.

"I love you," I sigh back, and do as he says.

"I know," he says. "And I know you know where I want it. UP, Claire."

"I love you a lot," I try, getting up on my knees.

"I know," he says, rubbing slow circles over my quivering skin.

"Don't forget," I whisper, as his left hand tightly grips my hip.

"I won't," he whispers back, his lips sweeping over the skin of mine.

A chorus of soft whimpers flow from my mouth as his continues its heavenly course over my sensitive skin. I think maybe he is softening, or at least he wants to soften the blow he's about to deliver...

But when his hand leaves my rounded flesh...

It doesn't return to me with a smack.

It doesn't hurt me as his fingers come up to stroke my hair.

And the back of my neck beneath it.

Run along my shoulder and down my arm.

Entwine them with mine.

And my cry isn't of pain when he slides himself into me.

Fills me.

Buries himself in me.

And his face in my neck.

Breathing me...

Tasting me...

As his hips grind desperately against his spared prize.

"Tell me again," he growls into my neck.

"I love you," I cry out, as his hand digs into the flesh of my hip and pulls me back hard against him, burying himself even deeper inside of me.

"And?" He growls again, increasing our pace... mine and his... me against him.

Because he's in control, but it's of me. My body... that he holds in his hands and thrusts into him, again and again.

Purposeful.

Deliberate.

Showing me my place.

My path.

To him.

Where I should never joke about going.

Never tease that I won't.

And where he wants me to know that he'd bring me...

Pull me towards.

With no hesitation.

No apology.

And no regret.

Like I feel now.

Because I've robbed myself of something.

My stupid mouth took it away from me.

My mouth that disappoints him.

With words I made him wait to hear.

And others that he never should have.

Heard.

Words that I never should have said.

Toyed with.

Because words can cause damage.

No one knows that better than I do.

And I shouldn't ever forget it.

But sometimes I do.

Or at least my mouth does.

And did. Again.

And cost me something. Again.

Something that I love.

And that I want back.

"Jaimin?"

"Yes, Claire?" he asks, his voice deep and delicious as he continues to slam my body into his.

"I'll... tell you. I'll tell you an-anything. Everything... you want to h-hear... but... can I a-ask you for s-something... first?"

My breathless request makes him chuckle. "You can ask me for anything. You know that. It's all you had to do."

"Even if what I w-want to ask you for is m-mercy?"

I hear the pain in my own voice.

Even through my disjointed plea.

The pain that reaches his ears...

And his heart.

And tells his hands to be gentle.

As he softly holds my flesh against his.

And around him.

Gentle.

Stilled.

"I'm hurting you."

It's a statement, not a question.

And he couldn't hurt me more if he had...

Than with his misunderstanding.

The misunderstanding that makes him tremble against me.

And then take himself away.

From inside of me.

And around me.

And even further as I reach back for him.

Too far.

Out of my reach.

And I hate myself...

For the words I got wrong again.

The words I was careless with again.

And I know I'll get what I want if I just turn around...

But I won't take it.

He has to give it to me.

Has to see that I'll wait for him to.

"No, Jaimin. That's not what I... " Damnit! How do I fix this?  "Don't misunderstand. Please... you didn't hurt me. I hurt myself. Or made you... but it's only because I can't see you. I know I did this... took it away with my stupid mouth...

"But can I see? You? Please? Can I ask you for that? I'll take anything else... endure anything... if I can just see your face. Your beautiful eyes. My eyes. Can I have them back? Please? I-"

"You're not hurt?"

"No."

"I didn't hurt you?"

"No. You didn't hurt me."

"Are you lying to me now?"

"No. I wouldn't do that. Ever."

"Then why won't you turn around and look at me, Claire?"

"Because I want you to tell me I can."

His movements are quick...

His body close again.

Close enough that I feel his unsure breath on my shoulder.

His hand in front of me...

Grabbing my face and turning it until our eyes meet.

"Did. I. Hurt. You?"

"No."

"Good," he says after a moment of searching, followed by a stinging crack to my behind.

"Do you want to ask me again?" I ask, wincing slightly from the pain.

His answer this time is to flip me flat on my back and level his beautiful eyes at me.

Well, at least now I can see them...

But I really wish they were smiling at me.

Which they definitely are not.

My lip quivers under his glare.

But the quiver turns into a pout as he starts to laugh.

A pout that gets bitten as he shakes his head and lowers his face to mine.

Bitten by him.

Him, who hovers over me and stares into my confused eyes.

"Did you really think I was upset about your little smart ass remark?"

"Yes. Weren't you?"

"No. Because I knew what you were doing. And I knew you didn't mean it."

"You did?"

"Of course I did. I'm not afraid anymore, Claire. I know how much you love me. I know how much that ring on your finger means to you. You wanted me to believe... to stop doubting...

"You painted the words on a hundred canvasses and surrounded me with them... "

I did. They're everywhere. Everywhere you look in our apartment. My words. My answer. My promises...


Yes.


I do.


I will.


I want to.


I can't wait to.


I love you.


I'm yours.


You're mine.


We'll always be.


I belong to you.


We have forever.


And so many others...

I used every color.

Painted it every way I could think of.

And put them in every place he could see.

So he would know.

Never doubt.

And never, ever forget.

"But even if you hadn't... I would know, Claire. Because your eyes haven't stopped telling me. Your beautiful face. Your sweet smile. And even your sassy mouth... that still says yes even when it threatens to say no to get what it wants."

"I'm a brat."

"Yes, you are. But I know how to handle you."

"You do. And that's all I wanted."

"I know. But next time just tell me."

"Okay. I really am sorry."

"Sorry enough that you'll never say it again?"

"Yes. I promise I won't."

"And that you will?"

"Yes. I'd marry you right now, right this minute if I could."

"That's good to know, Claire, but I wouldn't want that. While you couldn't look more beautiful than you do now, the beauty I see is only for my eyes."

"They're my eyes. But yes, it's only for you. So, I guess my I do  will have to wait."

"Your I do  and your honor and obey."

"I'm not saying that in front of witnesses."

"Oh, yes you are."

"Can't I just say it to you?"

"You can say it to me every minute of every day, I'd certainly never tire of hearing it, but you're still going to say it to me for the world to hear."

"I know you like things grand, but the world is not coming to our wedding, Jaimin. I don't-"

He puts a finger to my lips to quiet me. "Do you trust me to know what's important to you, Claire?"

I nod and he narrows his eyes at me. But then he realizes he's the reason I can't give him an answer he can hear, and moves his finger from my lips.

"Yes," I say without hesitation, knowing we've come a long way since the day I had to explain why I wanted my little tree that still stands down the hall from where we are now. "I trust you with everything."

He smiles at me, with every feature of his beautiful face, and then his mouth curves into a slightly more wicked grin. "Do you have what you wanted now, sweetheart?"

"I have what I asked for," I say sweetly, gazing deeply into his dark eyes.

"But not everything you hope for."

"Not quite... but I'm not sure I trust my mouth to ask you for anything else."

"I do."

"Liar. You just have an answer for anything I might say. But some of your answers hurt, so I'd rather not take a chance right now. I'm not going to ask for anything else."

"But I want you to." His voice is low and sexy with desire, and he shifts where he still hovers above me to part my legs with his knees.

His lips ghost over my face in featherlight kisses that he then trails tantalizingly down my neck. "Do you remember what you said to me, Claire? The night you tormented me with your little pink shorts?"

"I wasn't trying to torment you when I put them on."

"But once you realized the power they gave you?"

"I just wanted you to... " Oh... I do remember. 

And he sees that I do as he raises his eyes to mine. "Say it again, Claire," he whispers, his breath flowing over my breast, securing full attention from my nipple.

And as much as it wants his talented mouth to claim it, where it hovers just above, teasing me...

The words he's asking me to say now is exactly what I wanted when I said something else.

And I'm not going to deny him when he's ready to stop denying me.

I reach for him...

Take his face in my trembling hands...

And bring it back to mine.

Eyes piercing...

Mine his and his mine.

Mouths close.

Close enough that my words flow right into his... "Show me who I belong to. Show me I'm yours."

Closer as his captures mine.

Takes my words.

The ones he wanted to hear again.

And my breath.

And me.

All of me.

Dominantly.

Fiercely.

Ferociously.

Driving me into the bed.

Showing no mercy.

Showing me...

Who I belong to.

Showing me...

Making me see...

Feel...

Know...

I'm his.

And ensuring that I'll never forget.

Never, ever forget...

What I gave him when I said yes.

With my mouth.

That he's forgiven.

That didn't disappoint him...

This time.

But that still may get me punished...

Because I'm not disappointed...

I'm not...

And I'm not holding back...

Anything.

From him.

I can't...

Can't...

"Fuuuuck!... "


                                                                       ~


"Your rules are confusing me again."

"Why's that, beautiful?"

"Why am I not in trouble?"

"In trouble for what?"

"My naughty mouth."

"It's my mouth. And some naughty is allowed."

"It is?"

"Yes. It is. When you can't help it."

"Well, that's always, so-"

"Claire."

"Yes?"

"Be careful."

"The sassy has a mind of its own. I shouldn't be punished for it. You should punish it  instead. Or let it say it's sorry properly."

"Are you trying to ask me for something, sweetheart?"

"Definitely."

"I see. But I can't say that it's clear to me what that is."

"You can't?"

"No. I can't. It's either a clarification of the rules... or a punishment you haven't earned... or an opportunity to  say a proper I'm sorry when you've done nothing to be sorry for... but I'm not entirely sure which."

"I'd be willing to break a rule and make it clearer."

"Or you could just tell me what you want."

"You know what I want. I want you. In my naughty mouth."

"And I'd love to give you that, beautiful, but right now I'm going to work. Which is something you already asked me for."

"I didn't mean it when I said that."

"A hard lesson learned, sweetheart. Maybe that will teach you not to say things you don't mean."

"I promise I won't disappoint you if you don't go."

He clutches my hand in his as I tug on his belt and brings it to his mouth, kissing it sweetly. "You couldn't possibly disappoint me, Claire. Not any part of you. But I still have to go. Michel wouldn't have called me if it wasn't important."

"But-"

"And while you are the most important thing in the world to me, and what you want is hard to deny you, and myself, it will just have to wait until I come home."

He kisses my pouting lip and reaches into my robe to give my ass a firm squeeze. "Such a pretty mouth... that I promise you I want to feel wrapped around me...

"You can keep it warm for me, can't you? And wait like a good girl for me to come and fill it?"

I nod my head instead of letting him hear my yes and he chuckles deeply. "Getting yourself into trouble won't change anything, sweetheart. You'll still have to wait. I see no point in you doing it uncomfortably."

"I'm already uncomfortable."

"And I love you for that. But I still have to go. And I still want to hear your answer before I do."

"You already know my answer."

"Give it to me or you won't get what you want."

"Yes. I'll wait. Like a good girl. And keep it warm. And wet. Which I always am. For you."

"Very good girl. That will get you something extra."

"I'm pretty sure what I asked for is all I can take."

"You seem to have forgotten who you belong to, Claire...  and who that hungry little mouth belongs to. And how much I love to spoil you. And how happy it makes me when you accept my gifts. But I have faith in you. And you have time to get it all in perspective. You won't disappoint me, like you said. You'll take everything I want to give you. So, you think about that... and keep my pretty mouth warm while you do it... and I'll see you later. Call me when you get hungry. For food."

He taps his cheek, an order for a goodbye kiss, but I pull his mouth to mine instead, even getting him to surrender his tongue to me for a preview of his homecoming. A preview that makes him moan deeply before tearing himself forcefully away from the temptation. At least I know he feels some...

I expel a wistful sigh as he strokes my hair and opens the door to leave me alone for the first time since...

Since I was taken from him.

By the brother of the man standing in the doorway with his hand poised to knock on the door that is no longer closed.

"Loring... what are you doing here?"

He steps inside, glaring at Jaimin as he walks past him to get to me. "Wondering why I had to read about your engagement in the paper like everyone else. In an announcement that is everything the Claire I know would never want."

"What? What are you talking about? We haven't announced anything. No one even knows but-"

I'm rendered silent and open-mouthed as Jaimin rips the handful of papers from him and I see my worst privacy-invading nightmare in print.

Big. Bold. Larger-than-life print.

And his picture... the dashing, once-elusive bachelor and one of Paris's most revered and successful young  chefs and restaurateurs.

And mine... the beautiful young artist whose quiet, reserved brilliance claimed the Paris art world and whose remarkable beauty the heart of the aforementioned unattainable Monsieur Guillory.

It goes on and on and on...

In paper after paper...

And Loring is right...

It's the last thing I would ever want.

And I feel sick.

"Jaimin... I don't... Why... How could...  No... "

He shoves the papers back at Loring and pulls me into his arms, cupping my face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, Claire... I-"

"Then why did you do it?!" Loring yells, "If you knew her at all-"

"You think I did this to her?" Jaimin screams, tucking me under his arm and snatching the papers back. "I know that's not what she'd ever want!"

"But you would! And you put your own pompous arrogance before her! How could you be so selfish? If you love her so fucking much like you claim?"

"DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER!"

I jump in before Loring can say another word, or Jaimin explodes, and this escalates any further. "Loring, stop it. Jaimin didn't do this... he wouldn't-"

"Don't be so naive, Claire. He did  it. Without any concern for your feelings. And-"

"He didn't do it! I know who did it! And she... she... oh, God... "

"She, who? What? What's wrong, Claire?"

I look away from Loring and see my sudden realization all over Jaimin's face. And hear it in his voice...  "Sweetheart... "

But I'm not going to let him get away with it. "It's why Michel called you. Why they need you. Why you're going. Leaving me to go. The restaurant is full... overflowing with customers... who were waiting for the doors to be unlocked... and who are still waiting... waiting for you. They're all women. Because your official unavailability was spread all over Paris this morning...

"You knew... You knew and you weren't going to tell me... You-"

"No, Claire. I didn't know. I figured it out when you did. When I saw. Just now. Just like you. But it's nothing for you to get upset about. I'm going to go take care of it. And then I promise you, I will take care of my mother. She shouldn't have done this, and she's going to-"

"What's done is done. It's too late to do anything about that...

"But you're not leaving here without me. I'm going to go get dressed."

I pull away from him, but he grabs me before I take two steps, and his arms lock around me. "You are not  going, Claire."

"The hell I'm not!"

"I said no."

"You're not going without me!"

"You're not coming with me, Claire. This is not up for discussion."

"You're right. It's not. Because I'm going!"

"There's no way in hell I'm going to let you see that. You are going to stay here and wait for me to come home."

"See what, Jaimin? Your harem fully assembled and frothing at the mouth for one last taste? You once told me to stand my ground... Well, that's what I'm doing. I'm going with you! Because you're mine and they can't have you anymore! And if you really love me, you won't tell me I can't. You won't make me sit here while you go running to them. You won't hurt me like that."

"I'm not taking you with me, Claire... because I love you. Far too much to subject you to that. Seeing it will hurt you. You know that, sweetheart. I can't let you see. I won't. And I won't let you hear. And don't twist it around...

"You know how much I love you. And you know I'd never let anything hurt you, not if it was in my power to stop it. I can stop this, Claire. And I can protect you from it. I know what's best for you... and letting you go with me is the worst thing I could do. For you. You're not coming. And you know that the only running I'm going to do is back to you. The only woman on this earth that I will ever want. For the rest of my life."

"I know that, I do... but you can't ask me to just sit here while-"

"I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. And my decision is final."

His phone rings in his pocket before I can say anything else and he pulls it out and after one quick glance, answers it with an angry "I'M COMING!" before turning back to my pleading eyes. "I have to go, sweetheart. I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise. "

"Please don't leave me here like this. Not alone... Please, Jaimin. You know how crazy my brain can be... it will run away from me... and if you're not there to-"

"CLAIRE."

"Lower your voice when you talk to her, Jaimin. She's NOT alone here."

"I was hoping you'd feel that way, Loring. Stay with her. Please. And don't let her leave."

"If you mean don't let her follow you, we're in agreement on that, but if she wants to get out of her prison, then I'll take her."

Jaimin's determination to get out of here - and be somewhere that I don't want him to go, somewhere without me by his side - determination so strong that he doesn't even argue with Loring...

And refuses to hear me...

Has taken the air from my lungs.

Because he's locking me in again.

In a place I don't want to be without him.

His place...

That he made ours...

And that he's leaving me in to go to another.

Another place that's his.

But not mine.

The place I once couldn't stay away from...

Was drawn to...

Held by...

Where I was right under his nose...

Under his control...

Even before he knew he had me...

That place...

The place he doesn't want me now.

The place he used to...

But that he's letting them take from me.

The them that was once his.

And still wants to be.

He knows this...

Knows I know it...

And still he won't let me see.

He says it's to protect me...

But he doesn't understand...

That it's destroying me.

Before he's even gone.

I'm still as he kisses my cheek.

Silent as he tells me he loves me.

Obedient as he tells me to go get dressed...

Not to go, but to stay.

Where I've been locked in.

By him.

Who I obey as I go.

Walk away without a word.

No I love you.

No goodbye.

No come back soon.

And no look back...

To his eyes that I know are on me.

That I feel watching me.

His eyes that I love...

I don't turn to look at them.

Or at him.

I can't.

Not now...

Because he told me I couldn't see.


























































































3 comments:

  1. WOW.

    *stops to try and regain composure*

    Nope, just WOW. Fucking WOW.

    I was gone six or seven freaking lines into this. With the hard thrust up .... *drools and melts*

    This man fucking owns me. In addition to owning Claire. Just so you know, I'm at the mercy of Paris.

    I love Clarie's mouth. Especially when it gets her into trouble because trouble of Jaimin nature .... Well, who wouldn't want to be in that kind of trouble. Hehe. And when he turned her over. I thought I was going to pass out. Fingers digging, breath heaving, kisses ... Every minute of it left me wanting to read more. Gah!

    Now .... This harem needs to disappear. Immediately. Because if not, I just might come through my computer and take care of them on his behalf, since he won't let Claire out of the house.

    I felt bad for Claire at the end. It's quite clear she doesn't like the whole being locked away thing. And Loring .... Oh my, my, my. I can't see anything good coming from this arrangement, because not only has Jaimin inadvertantly hurt Claire, but Loring is clearly upset by the level of control Jaimin exerts over her, even though he doesn't know the circumstances or the real nature of their relationship. I can imagine Claire totally railroading over him and taking charge of the situation.

    Of course, there would be consequences associated with that direct violation of his request ..... And we know conesequences can be good, even when bad ... Hehe.

    THANK YOU a million times over again for sharing this AMAZING and BRILLIANT piece of work with us! I'm so far gone and addicted to this story it isn't even funny, and any time I see an update, I have to resist the urge to get up and dance and light off fireworks. Hehe.

    I love ya darlin! And I love these two.

    Back to Paris I go.... In my mind at least. Hehe.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. I seriously don't know what to say...I just loooove running away to Paris once in a while. Jaimin's dominance, love, and passion truly consumes me. I won't add anymore because Love, and Consume, should be enough on how I feel about PARIS... lol.. Love it!!!

    p.s. sorry review was a bit late... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I understand both sides here,but I don't like him ordering her to obey him,it just sounded so cruel and cold. I don't blame her for feeling the way she did,I would have too. The sex is hot and steamy,but I was a little confused about what she was saying until you explained it. I wish he hadn't left her the way he did,he has to know thing's are going to be different when he comes back home.

    ReplyDelete