Sunday, February 20, 2011

Clear and Bright: Chapter Three: Need



We’ve been walking silently, with the exception of his few words. We’ve been stealing glances, he as often as I. My hand feels warm in his, and small. I feel the tremble, certainly he must feel it too. I feel the moisture, and although he must as well, he doesn’t seem to mind. It’s not that I’m afraid, it’s something else, something I can’t describe. Excitement? Anxiety? Insanity? I’m not insane, although some might disagree, given my current state of recklessness. Intrigue? That’s putting it mildly. Nothing seems to fit quite right. Nothing, except for my hand in his. His grasp is firm, yet gentle. Electric, yet comforting. He holds it with calm purpose, yet I sense something else coming from him. Through his calm exterior, bits of desperation seep through. It’s as if he is afraid of something. What could he possibly fear from me? I’m the one that should be…

My thoughts are interrupted when he stops. I look questioningly at him, and he simply says “We’re here.”


He’s stopped us at what I’m sure is his apartment. My heart begins to race as I realize this. Where did I think he was taking me? I didn’t think at all, I suppose, but I wasn’t expecting this. Alone. Alone with this beautiful stranger who has made me unrecognizable to myself in an instant. Or am I? I hear her now, the voice of sensible me: NO, NOT ALONE.

His hold on my hand grows instantly firmer, it’s as if he’s heard her too, and is afraid I’ll run from him. “Please?” his song of a voice asks.

I start to utter a response, of what I’m not sure, when he looks pleadingly into my eyes and whispers, “Please let me show you something? I need you to see.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. His voice is so beautiful, and so gentle in his plea. Can I deny him? See? See what? My head is spinning, yet my hand lies firmly in his. I never even tried to pull it free. Did my body answer him, although my mind has yet to decide? I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to run, but surely he could have taken me somewhere else? Anywhere else… but this place. His place. What did he want to show me? Need. He said need. What does he need me to see?


I’m listening. I hear nothing. Where is she? HELLO? A little help here? Complete silence. Great. Sensible me has left me alone. Alone with him. Damn her. She’s probably in my studio organizing my brushes, while I’m here facing the greatest moment of indecision of my life. Her incessant need for order, although usually appreciated, is at this moment highly inappropriate to me.

I take a deep breath and look up at him. He’s still looking at me, watching me, waiting for my reply. His eyes, those eyes, are so tender that I feel myself soften. Melt. He said need, and I see it. I see it there in his unwavering gaze.

 My voice is small, barely a whisper. “Okay,” I hear myself say, “Show me.”

The relief that floods over him nearly takes my legs from under me. I know suddenly, and with absolute clarity, that I have nothing to fear from him. He won’t hurt me. His smile lights up his entire face. No, this doesn’t describe what I see. His smile lights up EVERYTHING. The universe is bathed in light, his joy that palpable. It takes my breath away. I don’t understand. What could I have done to bring about such a reaction?

We’re moving, he’s leading me to this thing he needs me to see. He releases my hand to retrieve his keys from his pocket, and opens the door. When he retakes my hand in his, I am stunned. HE IS SHAKING. What? Why? He pulls me inside and closes the door behind me.

 My mouth falls open in pure and utter disbelief.

3 comments:

  1. Ahhh what a way to end the chapter, such suspense!!! And the inner monologue is so great with the main character. Common sense usually flies out the window in the face of love, and I enjoy how that's what's happened here with this story you've created. And I felt a little nervous for her towards the end when they ended up at his home. Especially not knowing what's inside but knowing it shocked her ... Ahh! :)

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  2. OK... she's is crazy huh? To go into a strangers home? I am afraid for her!

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  3. My heart is beating like crazy. A lot of suspense here.. Is he a good man? Is he a bad one?..Does he have issues? I am quite nervous..I want to know more.

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