Clear and Bright: Chapter Thirty One: Gifts

"Yours is bigger than mine," I pout, looking at our waiting-for-him shoes beneath the tree.

"You're adorable," he snickers, planting a kiss on my protruding lip.

"I know. All the more reason it's unfair."

"Well, I don't know what I can do about it, sweetheart. You have little feet."

"Can I put more than one?"

"If you like. Brat."

I stick my tongue out at him and run to the bedroom, flinging open the closet doors when I get there. I haven't really kept up on any holiday traditions since my grandfather died, other than the little tree I get every year for Little Claire and myself, but I like this one, and that Jaimin wanted to acknowledge it.

And since he did, and thinks I'm so adorable, I might as well have fun with it.

I grab as many shoes as I can, and boots, too, and run back to the living room and him with arms full. He starts laughing as soon as he sees me, and that sound...

The most pure and beautiful sound I've ever heard...

Is better than any present or any thousand presents this spoiled girl could ever dream of.

"You said I could," I remind him as he shakes his head at my silliness.

"Don't I always?"

"Say yes? NO."

"I do when you really want something."

"Did you fall and hit your head while I was getting more shoes, Jaimin? Because I think you're delusional."

"No, I did not."

"I think you did... and that you're so delusional that you don't even remember doing it. You should sit down. Or lie back... and let me-"

"You know that naughty children get spankings instead of presents, right, Claire?"

"They do?"

"YES, they do."

"Interesting, but no, I didn't know that. We only ever got the second. Little Claire and I... because we're good girls."

"She is, yes."

I stick my tongue out at him again, and wiggle my brows for added effect - and in request - but he only shakes his head at me again.

"You might as well just go and put them all back in the closet, sweetheart."

"I will, gladly, if you give me a reason. If I'm going to get a spanking instead of presents, I should at least earn it honestly."

"Don't you always?"

"No."

"No? Are you sure, Claire? Or sure you want to admit that?"

"Admit what? I- Oh no you don't! Leave your interpretation in your pocket, Mr. Guillory. Everything I do, I do honestly, even though some things are brat-inspired. What I don't do, and what I was saying no to, is always earn it. It being your interpretation-inspired spankings. Which are bratty, too, since I'm being honest, like always."

"You're adorable. Like always."

"And?"

"And right, I suppose."

"So...?"

"You'll get presents no matter what else you get. Both of you."

"Both of us?"

"Yes, both of you." He smiles at my confusion and reaches into his pocket. "And I can't promise to ever put my interpretation in my pocket, but I do have something in here."

I wait, patient but still confused, until he pulls his hand back out and in it is one of Little Claire's shoes.

He chuckles at all of mine in their greedy place under the tree - or trees, I should say - but finds a place for it under my treasured one. Well... ours. And if ever I was mush...

"Hmmm... amazing how perfectly it fits," I muse, perfectly aware of what his interpretation of my words will be.

"Well, her feet are even littler than yours, it wasn't hard to make it fit. And for your sake, beautiful, her shoe better have been what you were referring to."

"Actually, it wasn't. Nor was it what you might think it was." I add the second part because, silly I may be, but I'm not stupid... "I meant my 'adorable' crown, and how perfectly it fits on your head, which should be impossible... because yours is so BIG... " I clear my throat before I continue, and then laugh, because, let's face it, I'm still a brat... and an honest one... "But clearly not too big. Because it does. Fit perfectly. My crown that jumped right off of the top of my head and onto yours."

"How lucky you are that I'm interpreting all of that as sweet... "

"It was meant to be. Honest. But like other things, I'm not as good at sweet as you are, so-"

So disappears... into his mouth... and so does any worry that I have a spanking coming. Because the only thing he could ever give me is gifts, whether I earn them or not, regardless of what else he thinks I do.

And for the first time in a long time, I think we're all looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning and finding them. In all of their perfection... and all of their not, no matter how little or big either are.






                                                                           ~




I'm a little sad when I wake up and find myself in our bed alone, especially after the glorious gift-giving night we spent in it last night, but that sadness falls away instantly when I realize I'm wrong, and that I'm not. Little Claire is tucked in beside me... tightly, but with the blankets carefully and heart-achingly sweetly not too high.

Will he ever stop amazing me with the things he does for me? The me he loves and the little one he tries to make up to for anyone who didn't?

I know the answer to that is no, and that I'll know that even more when I reach our living room, but I can't help but ask the question anyway. Every day of my life. Even if not every moment.

Agreeing to be Jaimin's wife - which, when we got to his parents' last night for what we thought was a family holiday dinner and discovered that it was, but not only, because it was also a celebration of that agreement - has etched in glorious, extraordinary stone that I always will. Know how equally glorious and extraordinary my life will be, but be unable to stop questioning how it's possible for such a life to exist for the unwanted and unloved little girl that's own was discarded. And wished it had been before it had a chance to exist. My life.

That did exist, even if not to the people who created it. People that I refuse to waste another thought on as I grab Little Claire and climb from the bed.

We may not get to spend this day with the people who saved us then, but we will spend it with the person who wants to forever. Save us and spoil us with everything he can, if we just get out of this room and into another. The one we get to after a stop in one in between to brush our teeth - or mine, at least - and smooth our mussed tresses. Again, mine... because that gift giving night we spent in our bed before Little Claire was tucked into it left it anything but perfect, though he'd probably disagree with that, his interpretation and all...

That I won't deny him having or ask him to pocket. Ever. But certainly not now when we rush into the living room squealing like the silly children we are... okay, me, not her... and are greeted with his beautifully perfect laughter behind us.

"Perfect timing, sweetheart," he murmurs, kissing the back of my head, after and upon which I feel him place something.

"What is that?" I ask as he spins me around.

But then I see the answer, because he places a tiny crown of holly garland - which he's adorned with tiny marshmallows that look like they've been dipped in sugar, and which I also know is just a smaller version of the one I wear - on the top of Little Claire's head.

"I knew you'd take back your crown the moment you woke up and climbed out of our bed, but I didn't want it to be invisible."

"And by not wanting it to be, you stole it away from me again."

"No, Claire, you just keep trying to give it to me, which only solidifies that on top of your beautiful head is where it belongs."

"Whatever you say, my adorable KING."

"Oh, I like that... "

"I knew you would," I laugh, "because adorable is by far not all you are."

"Yet you give me yours, anyway. All... "

"I do," I agree easily and then tear my eyes from his beaming smile to our trees, beneath which he's given me his. More than I could even have imagined... "But not nearly as much as you have. I've never seen so many presents in my life. Is there anything left in your very deep pockets? Can we even eat tomorrow?"

"You'll never go without anything, Claire, I promise. Least of all food, which I request you let me give you before you spend hours indulging in what else I have."

"I have to wait?"

He laughs at my high-pitched whine of a question and makes to straighten my crown. "Your KING's orders, yes."

"You said REQUEST. And I-"

"Should know there's really no difference between the two."

"Maybe not by your interpretation, but-"

"Haven't you learned yet, sweetheart, that what's mine is YOURS?"

"Yes," I sigh in surrender, "But I would like it acknowledged that you are torturing me by making me wait. And making what's yours mine. In this case."

"I know, but it's nothing I wouldn't - and haven't - endured for you. Waiting patiently for something that would shatter all expectations."

"You are deliciously and beautifully evil, do you know that?"

"I might."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Claire."

"Good. Now do it with food. Quickly. Please."

"Yes, my adorable Queen."



                                                                            ~



"You remembered?"

"Of course I remembered."

I giggle like a child as I dress Little Claire in her new leather bomber jacket, an exact copy of the one Loring gave me for my birthday. The one that I asked Jaimin if she could have one like.

One that, just like he said, he of course remembered. "Thank you. It's perfect. And the hat... but she'll keep her crown on for now, if that's okay?"

"Of course it is. We wouldn't want her to get too warm. Or think she'd lost it. Her crown, I mean."

"No... but she'd handle it graciously if she did. She's much more mature than I am."

"If you mean less of a brat than you are, then I agree. She is."

"Your turn," I say with an exaggerated roll of my eyes and hand him another gift.

"You've given me more than enough, Claire. All of these gifts, while appreciated, were completely unnecessary. I already have everything I could want right here."

I know he means me, and of course I'm mush because he does, but I'm too excited for him to open what I put in his hands to let it distract me.

"Well, that one is for both of us, I suppose, but I think you'll know when you see what it is that I absolutely was thinking of you when I bought it."

We've exchanged many gifts today, though I was on the receiving end of far more than he was, but the last few that he has left to open, at least, are special ones. In some way or other.

The one he's tearing the paper from now is special in a playful way, and not entirely selfless of me by any means. It's a set of the softest, richest, most luxurious sheets I could find, in an equally rich and luxurious deep chocolate. He's going to love them. And me on them...

Which is exactly what I see in his eyes when he runs his fingers over them in the tissue-lined box.

"You need another crown, Claire."

"I like the one I was given."

"Then maybe I'll have to find some other way to adorn you for this."

"By all means, adorn me as you see fit. Because you are unequivocally the king of adorning things, and me...  who is curious... May I ask what my impending adornment will be for?"

"BRILLIANCE."

"Well, thank you. I'm honored to be thought to possess it. Again. Does that mean you like your present?"

"It does. Would you like me to show you how much I do?"

"Hell yes!"

"But not now? Okay, beautiful, I'll wait."

"Where did you get the idea that I meant not now?"

"Straight from your NAUGHTY mouth."

Damn it!

"Your turn, naughty girl."

I pout as he lays the box of future luxury aside, but he only smirks at me and reaches for two small boxes, laying one in front of me and the other in front of Little Claire.

"Which one should I open first?"

"Yours."

I don't tear into it like I did all of the others, because I have a feeling there's something special about it. It's small, and heavy, and I open it slowly and carefully, even though I'm anxious to see what lies inside.

And more anxious when I find a red Cartier box beneath the wrapping. A red Cartier box just like one he's yet to open. Brilliant minds...

I remove the lid, and open the one inside, to find a double strand of exquisite pearls waiting for me.

He really doesn't forget anything. And doesn't know what he's given me. Well... maybe he does...

"While I found your marshmallow pearls adorable, I thought you should have some real ones."

"I've always wanted some."

"I thought maybe you had. I remembered seeing a photograph in one of your albums of your grandmother fastening hers around your neck. The smile on your sweet little face was... well, something unforgettable. Like the one I see now."

"My grandfather gave her those pearls. They were very special to her. She told me that diamonds were a promise of forever, but when a man gives you pearls it means more. That forever with you isn't enough. That... "

"You don't have to tell me, Claire," he says softly when I trail off.

"No... it's not that. She said she couldn't put it into words what it meant. But that someday I'd know... because she was sure a man would give me pearls someday... and then I would understand what she didn't know how to say."

"Well, what she did say was right. It's not enough."

"Thank you."

"Does she have hers? I was surprised not to find them when I looked through your jewelry box. You know... just in case you already had some."

"No one ever gave me pearls, Jaimin. Until today. You. And yes, she does. She wanted me to have them, but I couldn't take them. She never took them off. Other than that day she put them on me for a few moments. Because I'd asked if I could wear them...

"I never asked again. And when she died, I left them around her neck where they belonged."

"You're a beautiful woman, Claire. In every possible way."

"Would you put them on me?" I ask, my heart pounding with his words.

"Of course I will."

A wonderful, soothing warmth settles over me as he takes them from the box and clasps them around my neck. A warmth that will never leave me. Because I do understand. And even if she hadn't have told me how special pearls are... I'd know now. Because he is. Him and those eyes of his...

He sighs a contented sigh at his newest adornment and gently strokes my hair before lowering his hand and pushing the smaller box closer to me with an innocent smile.

An innocent smile that tells me what's inside before I even open it. "You didn't."

"She's you... "

I open it much more quickly than I opened mine, my mouth falling open in shock when I do, even though it's exactly what I expected.

"They're real."

"Of course they're real."

"Jaimin... she is me, but you know she's just a doll, right?"

"Not to you, Claire. And not to me. Not at all."

"I'm already hopelessly in love with you, you know. You don't have to keep doing things that-"

"But I will. And I'd like to... so hurry up and open the rest of your presents so I can."

"The rest of the presents can wait!" I yell, jumping to my feet. "Make the bed, YOUR MAJESTY, I'm taking a shower!"

I run from the room before he can argue... but his sexy chuckle tells me he wasn't going to.

Because, like our pearls, the gift I gave him was brilliant. And at this moment...

Forever isn't nearly enough. For either of us.



                                                                          ~



He's still making the bed when I come into the bedroom wearing nothing but my pearls and a towel. And to say that surprises me would be an understatement.

"You're moving unusually slowly. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm feeling better than okay, sweetheart. As you will soon unequivocally know."

"Are you sure? I mean... I don't mean to sound impatient,  but I'm surprised that you aren't finished yet."

"I'm not finished yet because I was taking care of something else first."

Something else? "Again, not meaning to sound impatient, but please tell me you aren't going to make me eat lunch before-"

"I'm not."

"So, if it wasn't food you were taking care of, then what was it?"

"A much smaller - and much more patient - you."

"Oh. Is she wearing her pearls now?"

"Yes she is. And showing them to her new friend."

"New friend?"

"Yes."

"Are we not alone?"

"No, we are. But she's not."

"Why isn't she?"

"Because I didn't want her to be."

"I don't understand."

"I'll show you if it's what you'd like. Though I was hoping you'd be willing to wait. For that. And trust me enough with her to."

"Of course I do. And I am. Willing... "

"Good... because I'm finished now. And not."

"I really love it when you're not," I whisper breathlessly as he pulls the towel from around me and drops it to the floor.

"Just another example of your brilliance," he breathes, sweeping me into his arms and laying me in the center of the bed.

"And YOURS," I declare, growing increasingly more proud of myself for my brilliant idea.

Because now that I'm here... atop this blank canvas of sorts... the one I gave him... I know that he will make me his greatest masterpiece. Though I know he already thinks I'm the world's.

Could know nothing but as he looks at me. And lets himself get lost... the way I do when a vision is before me... waiting to be brought to vivid life... with masterful stokes of... of...



                                                                         ~



"Best. Present. EVER."

His delicious chuckle flows over my skin. "I was just going to say the same thing."

"About the sheets?" I ask, knowing full and blissfully well it's not.

"Was I not exuberant enough in my appreciation of my gift, Claire? The one I was referring to?"

"If I had a crown to give you, I promise you you'd be wearing it. Instead of just wearing me."

"I like wearing you."

"I assure you that's clear. In fact, it's all over your face."

"You still have presents to open, sweetheart, you might want to remind your naughty mouth of that."

"You like my naughty mouth. Though not as much as you could... "

"The day's not over yet."

"It sure the hell isn't."

"You're asking for it."

"I am. And you don't even have to wrap it. I'll take it just-"

"As, how, and when I say."

"You know, Alaina was right about you... you are a tyrant."

"Thank you, Claire. Mentioning my sister obliterated any temptation this tyrant may have been feeling to be merciful."

Damn you, mouth! Will you never learn?

"I'm going to go take a shower now, beautiful. Meet you between the trees?"

"Maybe. If you're lucky."

"Then I'll see you there soon," he calls back to me as he leaves our bedroom. "Because no matter what else I am, I'm definitely that."



                                                                           ~



I'm exactly where he wanted me when he comes out from the bedroom clean, dressed, and sinful.

But perhaps not doing what he'd expected. "What are you doing, Claire?"

"Indulging myself. Since you won't let me."

He places the lid back on the box of chocolates and pushes them out of my reach. "Would you like me to make lunch now?"

"No."

"No because you're not hungry, or no because you're mad?"

"No because I want to open something."

"So, you are."

"Mad? No... I'm used to being deprived privileges by you."

"I didn't open your present to deprive you of getting to. And I know you've already seen it, but I would be happy to wrap it again so that you could."

"You know I'm not talking about the doll. Which I love, by the way." When I came into the living room I saw Little Claire's new friend. It was the most beautiful Alice doll I've ever seen, given to me - and opened - by the most beautiful man, the reasons for both the most adorable. "And I'm not mad at all that you opened her, because I know why you did, but I wish I'd have seen you do it, and seen you set them up in their little tete a tete. I'm sure it would have melted me."

"So, I found you sitting here eating chocolates because...?"

"Because I wanted chocolates. And if you'd have seen me open those - even though you gave them to me - you'd have probably taken them away. Like you just did."

"I'll give them back if it's really what you want, Claire."

"Not now. What I really want is to finish opening presents. Because to be honest... the mess in here is starting to stress me out. Wrapping paper everywhere... and shoes... "

"All but two of which are YOURS... "

"I know that. Now, here," I say, putting a present into his hands once again. "I want you to open this one now."

"But I opened the last one. The last two, actually."

"Now who has the naughty mouth?"

"You LOVE my naughty mouth."

"Yes I do. And you. And will forever, so open your present so you can see that."

"I'll see that you'll love me forever in here?" he asks, holding up the wrapped box.

"Hopefully."

He rips the paper off like an excited child, making me giggle in spite of my nervousness at what I chose. I've never seen him wear anything like it, and I'm afraid he won't - like it - at all.

The watch is platinum-faced, set with faceted sapphire, and sapphire crystal, with blued steel sword-shaped hands, and a black alligator-skinned strap. Not to mention all of the complicated things it does... hence the name - Grande Complication - which I thought was fitting...

But still... "It's okay if you hate it... but I can't return it."

"I don't hate it, Claire... " He looks from the watch to my face, "even before I look at why you can't return it."

"As usual I should just be quiet... "

"You should never do that."

His Don't you dare stare falls from my face when I nod in silent surrender... and something else... and he looks down at the watch he's turned over in his hand. He himself is quiet as he reads the inscription: All of the time I have is yours. A thousand forevers, Claire

"NEVER."

"It's good that you think I shouldn't... because I probably can't... ever... and won't... "

"Probably?" he asks with a sweet, teasing smile.

"Well... you're the one with all of the right words... that's why I steal them from you so often... "

"Clearly not true."

I smile, but can't help but still be unsure, despite the etched words I know he loves. "You really don't hate it?"

"You really are a silly girl, sweetheart."

"A silly girl who loves you... "

"Yes... and I was a fool to have ever doubted that."

"But you don't anymore, so... "

"Because you don't let me."

"It's nice to be in control of something."

"It is."

"Well, no one knows that better than you."

He winks at me as he puts the watch in my hand and holds out his wrist for me to put it on him. And I'm mush, of course, but it's not all I am.

Because adorning someone with the forever - or thousands of - that you want to spend with them, and them letting you so willingly...

I can't imagine a greater gift.

Well...

Except for one.

Or two...

But I haven't given him them yet.

Clear and Bright: Chapter Thirty: Thankful

Our living room is a very different scene than the one I left a half an hour ago.

To an outsider it probably had looked like a crime scene. And probably even more so to him...

But that's not what I saw.

And not what I see now.

Me, who's an insider.

And not alone.

The evidence of Jaimin's presence is all around me. And not.

There are no longer paintings of my face lying in chaos on the floor. Or anywhere that I can see.

They've been taken away again.

By him.

Hopefully never to return.

Never to be wanted again.

Or needed.

And never to be brought back by me.

Even though they're what first brought me here.

To him.

And though I'll always be grateful to them for that...

To their existence...

I can't share him with them now.

I won't.

With her.

And he won't make me anymore.

He understands.

Like I understand him.

And the things he does.

Like what he did.

Because of what I did.

And what he did after.

And what I see now.

Because he heard me.

And felt me.

His real.

I know it isn't over...

Mine...

Because he won't forgive himself that easily for what he did.

But he's trying for me.

For us.

He's brought our little haven back. Our nest in front of the fire. Where his little bird could never sit broken. Or lie.

Not in my favorite place.

That he brought me to all on his own.

That first day and then again and again and again.

And brings something else to now, as he comes out of the kitchen carrying a tray. And on it, a pot of oatmeal with two spoons resting inside, a bowl of strawberries, and a bottle of my favorite wine and two glasses.

For us.

The only ones here now.

I smile at him and run to sit down on the blankets, holding his sweats up as I do so they don't trip me.

He smiles at them, and then at me as I settle into my place in ours.

"I raided your bureau, I hope that's okay."

"Everything I have is yours, Claire," he says quietly, setting the tray between us and rolling the sleeves of his sweatshirt up over my hands before bringing each one to his lips. "I'm just grateful to still have something you want."

"I want it all," I say with as much conviction as I can, and squeeze his hand as he starts to let go of mine.

"I want it all not to break you," he says, effectively breaking my heart.

Which breaks even harder when I see what else is on the tray. He's been at it with the marshmallows again.

Marshmallow me is just as she was the first time, and again with a lemon rind halo atop her head, but marshmallow him...

He again has no arms, and again does have horns, but this time is on his knees before her.

"I'm still in one piece," I whisper softly, and then silently thank my stomach for distracting him with what it is. "One hungry piece," I add, just in case.

But I didn't need to, because me hungry is not something he could ever ignore, even to berate himself. "Didn't Loring take you to lunch today?"

"Well, he was going to, but I wasn't hungry when we first left... and then we went to the Cinema after he got much too quickly tired of shopping... and my questions... and then he got a call about a case he's been working on... "

His jaw twitches at 'call', and I know it's because I didn't answer any of his, but he doesn't say anything. About that.

"And did you enjoy the Cinema?"

"Yes, it was-" I don't finish, and open my mouth instead, because he's holding a spoonful of oatmeal in front of it.

"It was...?" he pushes, pouring wine into my glass now.

"Nice, I guess. Funny."

He hands me my glass with a "That's good" and I'm about to take a sip from it when he puts a strawberry to my lips before I can. I take a bite, trying to read his thoughts, but I don't have to try for long.

"I've never taken you to the Cinema... I never even asked you if it was something you liked to do... "

"That's okay. I-"

"Which it apparently is. Which I now only know because another man did take you."

I'm thankful for this distraction, too, the jealousy he can't help but feel any more than his regret, but I'm not going to let it go too far. Or take us.

"He's not another man, he's my friend. And yours. And please don't be jealous. Or whatever it is that you are. Because it wasn't at all how it would be if you took me. Which I would very much like you to do someday. And which I would enjoy far more. Well... other than the fact that you probably wouldn't let me eat popcorn with lots of salt and extra butter."

"I like popcorn with lots of salt and extra butter, too, Claire. And I'd get you as much of it as you wanted. But I am jealous, because today you were sharing yours with someone else - who is a man - while doing something you've never done with me."

"I didn't share mine," I say, instead of the thing I'd like to. Because my mouth has done enough damage for one day. Or one lifetime... "He knows I'm a selfish little brat, he bought me my own. And I will do it with you, that and anything else you want to do, anytime you want to. And I would share with you. Mine. Anything. Everything."

Both of our hands move to the tray. His to the spoon, and mine to 'us'. The spoon in his hovers over the oatmeal while he watches mine remove one of my arms and give it to him, so that we both have one. Because I would share with him. Everything I have.

He shakes his head, and I sigh at the spoon he puts again to my mouth, but open, and take the tiniest bite before grabbing it and putting it to his. "I said I wanted it all, Jaimin... but I promise to give no less than that back to you. To try to, anyway. I'm not as good at it as you, but I'm paying attention. Learning to be better, I hope. From you. For you."

"There were an awful lot of yous in there for someone who claims to be so selfish," he says, taking his bite and then the spoon from my hand and dropping it back into the pot.

"See what a good teacher you are?"

"I see something, but it's not that."

"What do you see?"

"The one person in my life who I've given too much to." He removes the arm I gave him and puts it back in place in marshmallow me. "Far too much."

I knew he wouldn't stay away from it for long... but he's wrong. About the too much. And definitely about the far.

"That's not true, Jaimin. Not as long as you can see me. And hear me. And feel me. And feed me... " I smile and take his next offered bite. Or maybe not offered so much as quietly demanded... "... which I still trust you enough to let you do. And will always. Because I know how much you love my mouth. That's yours. Because I gave it to you. Because you wanted it. And that I still give to you... because you still want it... and still love it... even though I gave you too much of it so many times.

"That's what it is to give someone all. You hide nothing. Hold nothing back. Keep nothing for yourself. Well... except that one part of you that you've been keeping from me... that you promised me I could have today... a gift... that I think maybe you forgot about... "

"I didn't forget, Claire, but I sure as hell didn't think you would still want it."

"Well, I do."

"Well, you shouldn't."

"What I shouldn't is have let a beautiful stranger take me to his apartment one wonderful and unforgettable cool fall day."

"That's true. You shouldn't have."

"And?"

"I should pulverize your pretty little ass for doing it."

"That would be hard to do with no arms. And would hardly be fair! Considering it was you! And that you put some kind of spell on me!"

"Which is why I haven't. Though the part about the spell isn't true at all. I did nothing of the sort."

"Did too."

"No, beautiful, I assure you, there was only one person under a spell that day, and it was me. From the moment I saw you across that street."

"You swept me off of that street." And off of my feet.

"Of course I did. I had to. You were in the middle of it and you weren't paying attention."

"Yes I was. I was paying attention to you. Because of your spell."

"I don't have any magical powers, Claire. You weren't under any spell."

 "Yes I was. I was yours from the moment your magical eyes fell on me. I never stood a chance against them. Or against you. And you know it."

"I didn't know it that day. And I don't want to know it now. That you feel tricked into being here."

"That's not what I meant, Jaimin. You know it isn't. I'm here because I want to be. And because you asked me that day if you could bring me. And I said yes. And because every time you wanted to bring me after I still wanted to say yes. And did."

"Do you still now, Claire? Want to say yes?"

"Yes."

"Even after what I did?"

"Yes. But much more for what you did after. And what you're doing now. Talking to me. And listening to me. And feeding me. In the place you know I love. The one in the other. That I'll always be glad I let you bring me that day. And after. When you asked me if you could keep me here."

"You said yes that day, too."

"My mouth gets it right sometimes. And you know... it could now, if you-"

"Not today, Claire. Today that would be too much."

"Okay."

"Do you understand why?"

"Yes. I understand. Your why."

"I'm sorry, Claire."

"I know you are."

"So sorry... "

"I know, Jaimin. I'm sorry, too. From the bottom of my heart, I wish I hadn't have hurt you. And scared you. And whatever other awful things I made you feel to take you to that place. Where you thought you'd lost me.

"I was wrong when I did it. And then you were. We both made a mistake today. Because neither of us are perfect. And no matter how much under a spell we both can sometimes fall... and stay... happy and oblivious... sometimes that spell breaks, and all we're left under is real. Real that is sometimes dark. And heavy. Like a storm that rages overhead...

"But we just have to remember... never forget... that we're stronger than it, as long as we stay close, and never let each other go. We just have to fight. Find shelter... together... and it will never be too much. Because we're more. As long as we stay. At least we are to me."

"That was a lot of wes, Claire."

"Yes. And a me at the end. Because I'll never be that unselfish."

"I hope not. Because I love the way you are."

I reach down for 'us' again, but he grabs my hand as soon as I remove my arm. "No, Claire. You're not paying attention again, but I am."

"Then do. And see. I'm trying to give you something. Because I want to share with you."

"Too much."

"It's not. And not up to you to decide."

"That's your right arm, Claire."

"So?"

"You don't paint with your left. And I won't let you give me your right. I want you, but not all. Not like that. I won't let you give it to me. Too much."

"Well, you gave me no choice. You have none. And I'll starve."

"I hear you."

"I'm being selfish, really. Too, anyway. Giving so I can be given."

"I'll never let you starve, Claire. You don't have to give me anything out of fear of that."

He puts both of his hands to my mouth this time, a spoonful of oatmeal in one, and a strawberry in the other. I take a bite of each, and then push everything aside, everything that separates us, and climb into his lap. Wrap myself around him, and my hands around the back of his head, my fingers stroking softly through his silky hair. "Please don't. And always do. Love the way I am. And never let it be too much. Never let me. Don't let me go too far. Or push you."

He pulls me against him. Tighter. Closer than I was. As close as he can. And holds me there. Securely. "I promise, Claire. It will always be a you at the end."

"A?"

"This. The real one. Mine."


                                                                          ~


I wake in our nest, just like I did the first morning after the first night that he made it for us. And just like then, I wake alone. He's not next to me. Or wrapped around me. Like he was all night. Sweetly. And vulnerably. Just needing to feel me. Just like then...

But what's not... what's different than that then morning... there's no heavenly scent coming from the next room to tell me where he is now. Or that he's even here with me. And I don't think he is. I don't feel him here, or anywhere near.

I'm alone.

It's just me - and marshmallow us, complete with four arms - and my crazy brain, that I wish would go back to sleep.

I'm not listening to you. So, don't start. We're fine. He's fine.

Because I really believe that he is. And even if he wasn't, he'd never just leave me like this.

Then where is he?

I don't know, but I'm not going to worry about it. And not going to let you get me into trouble.

You do that on your own.

Well, I'm not going to let me, either. I'm going to call him. And say good morning. And ask him where he is. Like a normal person would do.

But I don't have to, because when I put my hands down to push myself up from my nest-for-one, I touch paper. He left me a note.

Good morning, beautiful. In case I'm not back before you wake up, I just ran out to pick up a couple of things. I rushed home yesterday without them, planning to go back out with you...

Anyway, I won't be long. And DON'T TOUCH THE STOVE. I'll be back to feed you soon, I promise. 

I love you.   

 J-

Better than fine.

Which is what he'll find when he comes home.

I pick up the makings of our nest and quickly put everything away - except for 'us', but including my note, which I tuck into place in my top bureau drawer with the last one he left me - and then head to the bathroom.

I hear the door while I'm in the shower, and after a few minutes, feel a burst of air flow through the steam-filled room. And then over me as he slides the curtain open a few inches.

"Good morning, sweetheart. I'm sorry I wasn't back sooner. I had an unexpected call while I was out."

"Good morning. And that's okay... but even more so if that unexpected call caused you to get dirty?"

"It didn't, but don't worry, beautiful, I haven't forgotten about my notes, or what I promised. And as much as I would love to join you in there, I can't. We're not alone. I brought someone back with me."

"Someone?"

"Alaina's home. The call was from her. She was at the airport."

"Oh. Well, that's wonderful. I can't wait to finally meet her. But why don't you look happier?"

"You'll see. I'm going to go put everything away and start breakfast. Any special requests?"

"No, anything. I'm about finished, I'll be out soon."

He gives me a slow, lustful appraisal and closes the curtain with a sigh and then he's gone. And my mind starts whirling instantly with possibilities of what I'll see when I come out, because I know how much he adores his younger sister, and how anxiously he's been awaiting her homecoming. He should be beaming with joy, so why isn't he?

Oh God, is she pregnant? Is that what I'm going to see? A young, sweet-faced angel - as much of an angel as a Guillory can be - with a swollen belly?

I pray that it's not, and when I come into the kitchen a few minutes later, after quickly dressing and drying my hair, I see that I needn't have done so.

But that maybe she should start.

There's a deep midnight blue haired beauty leaning against the refrigerator, who bears a striking resemblance to the love of my life, which I expected to see, having seen many pictures of her, I just didn't expect to have to look quite so hard to see it.

Or past so much charcoal liner. And lipstick that even I don't know what color is.

Which, no matter what color it is, I know without Jaimin having to say a word that he hates. Fiercely.

"The bathroom's free. Now, go wash that shit off of your face."

I'm surprised he waited so long.

"Hello, Claire," she says, ignoring him, and rushes over to me with what I think is the intent kiss each of my cheeks. With that lipstick...

"DON'T YOU DARE," Jaimin growls, grabbing me before she can, and pulling me behind him.

"Hello, Alaina," I say, peeking around him with a smile. "This is a surprise, I thought Jaimin said you'd delayed your trip home for a few extra days?"

"I had, but then I pushed it up again, because when I came home yesterday from shopping with a friend, I found that worthless fuck I called a boyfriend - who I had delayed it for - pushing his dick into some whore in our apartment."

"ALAINA! Watch your goddamn mouth! And go wash it, and the rest of your face, before I do it for you!"

"Well, he is! And he was! And you wouldn't."

One look at his face tells her she's wrong about the last part. "Well, he was. And really is. And it hurt, so you should be nice to me instead of yell at me. And go kill him for hurting me."

His deep sigh tells me he hears her, and he reaches up to stroke her hair - though cringes as he does - and speaks softly to her now. "Go wash your face, please, or I really will do it for you. And then, not before, we'll talk about his demise."

"Okaaaaay. Tyrant. Which I find really annoying, by the way, where I'm concerned, but encourage fully as it can be applied to him. I want him to feel pain before he dies. A lot of it."

"Alaina."

"I'M. GOING."

And the family resemblance gets clearer...

"Tell me I don't want to kill her, Claire," he says, forcing his gaze from her intentionally-slow retreat to my face.

"You don't want to kill her," I say, shaking my head and sliding my arms around his waist. "You just want her sweet-faced like she was when she left here."

"And sweet-mouthed," he sighs, softly kissing mine. "And haired," he adds when he pulls away.

"It's a pretty shade of blue," I try, but give it up quickly when I'm met with a steaming cup of coffee and unamused eyes. "Though perhaps not atop your sister's pretty head. And thank you."

"You're welcome. I don't suppose you could paint her pretty head back to its original pretty color?"

"No, sorry."

"I heard that, Jaimin," Alaina snarks, already coming back into the kitchen, fresh-faced and stunning. "And you'd better get used to my hair, because I'm not changing it. But since you brought up 'painting' it...

"I get why you no longer need the stalker wall, since she's here in all of her insane-as-you flesh and bone glory, but why are there no paintings hanging in there? Where she used to be?"

Caressa had asked the same question once, and just like then, Jaimin is the one to answer. Without. "Eat," he tells her, setting three plates on the breakfast bar and reaching his hand out to me.

I take it and sit down with a smile, because he sits right down next to me, and between us.

But she's not deterred. Or unaware of the point of his gesture. "Stop trying to keep her away from me. My hair isn't contagious, and I won't bite her. Overprotective freak. And I'm just curious why an artist would live with bare walls. It's not-"

"Your concern. She'll fill them when she's ready to."

"Well, my face wasn't yours."

"WRONG."

"NOT wrong. And my hair isn't, either."

"Your hair is hideous."

"It is not!"

"LOWER YOUR VOICE. And it is. And as soon as we're finished eating, I'm taking you somewhere to make it not. Before I take you home."

"LOWER YOURS. And no, you're not."

"You have no say in the matter, so save your breath."

"It's MY hair."

"Alaina."

"JAIMIN."

I jump up to refill my coffee - and so he can't see me trying to hold my laughter in - but it was no use, because when I turn back around, as composed as I can manage, he's looking at me with a It's not funny glare.

"Can I get you anything while I'm up?" I ask sweetly, and am answered with only a tap to his cheek.

I kiss it and he pulls me back down onto my stool with a wink. Well, he's in full control of one of us...

And maybe that one - me - can help reign the other in by changing the subject. "So, Alaina... I'm really sorry about what happened, but does this mean you'll be staying in Paris after the holidays instead of going back to the states?"

"Yes, sweetheart, she will," Jaimin answers before she can.

"She was asking ME."

"The answer is the same regardless of which of us gives it."

"If I want to go back to New York, I will do that."

"You're not going back, Alaina. So, don't waste your time entertaining the idea. The decision is made, and it's final."

"What it is, Jaimin, is NOT yours to make."

"Try again, little sister."

"I'm not going back! But not because you say I'm not. Because I don't want to."

"Then what's the point of your tantrum?"

"I'M NOT THROWING A TANTRUM. And I swear mom said that Claire had made you sweet, but I don't see it. AT ALL."

"Is this the same mom who has delusions that her daughter is an angel?"

"The very one," she smirks.

"Well, she's wrong," he says, looking at me, "About a lot of things."

"But not all," I say, standing and picking up our plates. "She was right about the sweet part. Thank you for breakfast."

I kiss him softly on the cheek for the second time and walk to the sink. He's behind me instantly. "You're welcome. And I'll get this. And talk to her. Believe me, I haven't forgotten."

"I know you haven't. And as for the dishes, whatever you say. Now, I think I'll let you two catch up for a bit and go return some phone calls. Welcome home, Alaina."

I make it about five steps before I feel him behind me again, but continue to our bedroom without turning around.

I know exactly why he followed me and he takes my phone from my hand the instant I pick it up from the top of the bureau. "Phone calls from who?"

"The Bouchards, and Emilie, and Genevieve," I say, though I really don't need to because he's already scrolling through my missed calls.

He puts the phone back in my hand with an apologetic smile. "It's okay," I smile back, "I know you can't help it."

"I really can't."

"I know."

"Would you like to come with us? When you're done? We'll wait."

"No, I'll let you deal with your mother, if that's okay?"

"Sure... that is. But I wasn't kidding about taking her somewhere. Alaina."

"Ah, the hair. No, I knew you weren't."

"But I don't want to upset you. Or make you feel like I'm locking you in... or out... so, if you'd like to come?"

"You mean because you'll be in a salon full of women?"

"Yes."

"No... You were right yesterday... I don't need to see that. But thank you. For letting me choose not to."


                                                                        ~


"Hello, Michel. How are you?"

"I'm wonderful, now that I've seen the future Mrs. Guillory walk again through our humble doors. Congratulations, Claire, you beautiful, brave saint of a woman."

"Thank you. But humble?" I ask with a laugh and a quirked brow.

"Well..." he smiles, "something."

"Definitely something," I smile back, in full agreement this time.

It has been a little while since I've been here, and I'm admittedly newly awed by the anything but humble beauty around me.

And a little uncomfortable, because some of it sits at tables. A lot of tables.

And stares at me. If looks could kill...

"Well, you look pretty busy, so um... "

"Pay them no mind," he says with a scowl. "I assure you no one else is."

"Right. So, do you suppose I could get a taboo 'to go' order? Being that I am, as you said, the future Mrs. Guillory?"

"There's no one in the world I'd more enjoy breaking rules for."

"Thank you. I'm just across the street, so I'll come back in a bit for it."

I tell him what I want and am almost to the door when I hear the old familiar shattering of china come from the kitchen.

"He's here?" I ask, turning around.

"Yes, you didn't know that?"

"No, I thought he was... " My words trail off as he storms through the doorway.

He stops just outside of it and the look on his face sends a chill up my spine. I smile and give him a little wave, making the corners of his mouth turn up just a little before the cocky takes over. He beckons me with a finger and I bite my lip, but shake my head defiantly.

He shakes his in response with raised brows, silently asking if I'm sure, and I shake mine again. It's a yes and a no all at once, because I can't resist this playful, sexy game in front of this audience, whose full attention I know we have, no matter how much trouble it might get me into.

I swallow hard as he takes a few stalking steps towards me and then stops again, glancing around him with disinterest and then back to me, an arrogant smirk forming on his lips. "Come here. Sweetheart."

"I was just leaving, actually... "

"Were you? Without saying hello? Or good bye? Or first indulging in perfection?"

"Of course not. Hello. Sweetheart. And I ordered my perfection to be wrapped up... so I could indulge myself elsewhere... but it seems the creator of that requested indulgence - and all others I've ever dreamed of - has left his post, so... "

"He was lured away from his post. By his."

"May I request that he resist the lure and get back to it? His is hungry."

"You may... but you'll have to do it OVER HERE."

"Do you always have to finish on top?" I ask, surrendering and walking towards him.

"You know I don't," he answers with a wink and a sexy smile, making me blush.

"I really didn't mean-"

His mouth takes the words right from mine, and my legs from under me, as he pulls me into his arms and kisses me like he's waited years to instead of just hours. "I know. Just like I know you didn't really want me to resist the lure of you."

"You're right. I didn't. And don't. Ever," I whisper breathlessly.

"Good answer, beautiful."

"And I really didn't know you were here. Or come for any reason but that I wanted lunch. I asked nicely for my to go order, but I feel I should tell you that I was fully prepared to use my now-public promised-to-you status to get what I wanted from your staff, even in what I thought was your absence."

"I have no doubts that you were, but if you were hungry, you should have called me. Then you'd have known where I was, and indeed not absent, and you wouldn't have had to leave the apartment and go out into the cold."

"I thought you were with Alaina and I didn't want to bother you. And I was already out."

"Out where? And with who?"

"Just visiting my amazing birthday present. And no one. By myself."

"You were across the street?"

"Yes."

"Alone?"

"Yes. And hungry."

"Okay. I'll fix that... but will you tell me one more thing first?"

"Anything you want to know."

"What exactly were you doing over there?"

"Just thinking. And planning. There's a lot to do."

"You won't have to do it alone."

"I hope not."

"Never."

I smile and glance to the door. "I'm going to go back now if it's okay? To wait? It's too crowded in here. Call me when my order is ready?"

"Give me a kiss goodbye and I just might deliver it."

"Delivery? Wow. That's a pretty big exception you're willing to make for me."

"Yes it is."

"What if someone sees? Chaos could ensue."

"They'll all see. And it will... in me when you kiss me goodbye. If you ever do it."

I do instead of reply. Because kiss him is something my mouth can do right. And could never for long resist the lure of.

And then I walk away on shaky legs and out the door.

But just like he said a moment ago, not alone.

"You know, I was willing to eat from another chef''s plate, but now that I know you're here, I won't settle."

"I'm going to indulge you, Claire, with my plate... but not until after I know you're safely across the street. Just in case my lips have left you under some sort of blind-to-traffic spell."

I giggle at his smirk and curl into his side, my mind again going back to the day my life changed just a few feet away on this very street.

Then I roll my eyes once we're across it and at my newly owned door and he pulls a key from his pocket. "Of course you have a key."

"Does that bother you?" he asks, unlocking the door.

"No. You are the key to my dreams, it could never bother me that you kept one."

"Oh, Claire, the indulgences that now await your sweet and generous mouth... "

"Could be yours, too," I purr, and slowly lick my lips, reaching for him, but not quick enough to catch him in my grasp.

Not quick enough at all...

Because my newly owned door that he just led me through now stands closed between us, and he turns his key in the lock from the outside and blows my pouting mouth a kiss before running back across the street.

Stupid mouth!

If only it hadn't told him that I was hungry...


                                                                      ~


Just minutes later there's a knock on the locked door, startling me from my thoughts. It's too soon to be Jaimin with my indulgence - or any, unless he reconsidered my offer for one made of him - and I'm certain he would use his key, regardless of which it were, if it were him.

My heart quickens in my chest, because I can't see the door from where I stand, or who may stand on the other side of it, and no one knows that I'm here except for him.

I don't know what I'm afraid of exactly, or why I would be at all, on this busy street in the middle of the day, but I grab my phone from my bag before I walk slowly around the corner into view of the large glass door and its insistent knocker.

I break into a run, feeling completely foolish, as soon as I can see, because on the other side of the glass is a shivering-in-the-December-cold Michel and three other of Jaimin's coatless staff.

"I'm so sorry! What on earth has he made you do?"

I hold the door open and they rush in, carrying a table for two, and two chairs from Jouissance, which they quickly set up in the middle of the massive space, complete with a candle and a slim crystal vase containing a single red rose.

"He wasn't about to let you eat your lunch on the floor," Michel declares, pouring me a glass of wine with a flourish. "Or let his plate touch it, I imagine."

I smile at the truth of his last words, and at the memory of our simple dinner in our nest on the floor last night, proving his first ones wrong. "Certainly not, but I'm sorry that you all had to freeze for those reasons or any other."

"Nonsense," he says, "You have warmed us more deeply than you will ever know."

"Thank you," I say softly, touched to near tears by their heartfelt smiles and his words, that I have no question of the meaning or truth of this time.

"You are most welcome. And if I may... implored to love him forever."

"Not a second less than, I promise."

"Magnifique! Now, lock us out, please, and yourself in, you priceless creature, or he will have our heads."

I laugh and give him a kiss on the cheek, which takes him by surprise, and makes him blush ever so slightly. "I'd never let him, I adore you and your compliments far too much, but I shall turn the lock as soon as you're through, cross my heart."


                                                                       ~



I'm still smiling when Jaimin lets himself in a few minutes later, but then I'm not, because his expression is a stark contrast to the one I was wearing. "What's the matter?"

"SIT DOWN," he orders, ignoring my question, and pulling out a chair.

"Okay," I agree easily, and sit.

He slides my chair in much more gently than his demeanor should allow, and then I watch him as he arranges plates on the table.

I wait a few moments for him to tell me what's upset him, but when he remains silent, I ask again. "Jaimin, what's wrong?"

"You said you were hungry. Eat."

"I will, but right now I'm more worried about you. Will you please tell me what's wrong? Did something happen after you left here?"

"I could tell you... or you could tell me."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"Tell you what? I wouldn't be asking you if I knew."

"Do you get some sort of joy out of making me angry, Claire?"

"Of course not. What-"

"No?"

"No. Why are you angry with me? What did I do? I was here waiting-"

"Why did you kiss him?"

Kiss? "Kiss who? What on earth are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about! Now answer me!"

I jump in my chair at his sudden outburst of anger, baffled at the fact that it's directed at me. "I can't answer a question I don't understand."

"It's not a difficult question, Claire. WHY DID YOU KISS HIM?"

"I didn't kiss anyone. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say, and I really don't understand why you-"

"You're lying to me."

"I'm not. Please-"

"PLEASE WHAT?"

"Please calm down. And tell me why you think that? How you could possibly? Because I would never-"

"No?"

"No. Of course not. Never."

"Yet you did."

"I did what? What, Jaimin? What do you think I did?"

"Think? THINK? I don't have to think! I saw it!"

"Saw... what?"

"You! Your lips! On his cheek! That unless you have an explanation for... that satisfies me... will be removed from his face and filleted!"

"What? I... oh... wait a minute... Michel?"

"YES, Michel! Or did you kiss someone else I don't know about?"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

"You'll answer what you're asked!"

"I'll answer nothing, until I'm asked a reasonable question. By a reasonable human being."

"I asked you a reasonable question. You didn't answer it. And then you lied to me. And the reasonable human being I can sometimes manage to be left."

"I didn't answer your question because I didn't understand it. And I did not lie to you. Nor would I. Ever. You know that. I know you do. So, please... come back."

"Do you understand now?"

"Yes. But-"

"Then answer the question."

"Jaimin... "

"NOW, Claire."

"You're really serious? You're really asking me-"

"DO I NOT LOOK SERIOUS?"

"You look kind of scary, actually. And I wish you would calm down... and remember who you're talking to... and how much I love you."

"If you love me-"

"If, Jaimin? If? Because of an innocent kiss on the cheek?"

"That you refuse to tell me what was for."

"I didn't-" I stop and take a deep breath. Arguing with him won't help anything. And no matter how absurd this is, I know the only way out of it is to give him what he wants.

And to try to do it sweetly, and calmly, even though I want to smack him. "It was a thank you. That's all. A simple, innocent gesture. And I shouldn't have to tell you that. Because you shouldn't have to ask me."

"You're right, Claire. I shouldn't."

Really, REALLY want to smack him... "My God, Jaimin, what else would it be? But a thank you?"

"A thank you for what? He brought you those things because I told him to."

"I know that. And thank you, that was very sweet of you, but-"

"But not sweet enough to warrant a kiss from you."

"I'd give you a lot more than a kiss if you didn't look like you wanted to kill me."

"Now  you're afraid?"

"No, just confused."

"What did he do to make you want to thank him with MY mouth?"

"He said something sweet. It touched my heart. And-" His more-murderous-than-ever eyes take the breath right out of me, and my words with it.

But I recover quickly, because I can't let them silence me. "AND BEFORE YOU ERUPT, it's because of you that he said it, and because of you that it meant something to me. Because I know that he respects you. So much... And I know that he cares about you. And that he is truly happy for your happiness, that I know you're not feeling at this moment, but that he believes I'm wholly responsible for, which makes me even happier, because I know how much of a pain in the ass I am to you, but maybe not so much that the man you trust with everything while you dote all of your time and attention on me even knows that I am when he sees you, because he just sees you happy, so much that he implored me to love you forever, which made me nearly cry with pride, and-"

"Claire."

"What?"

"Take a breath."

"You mean be quiet?"

"No, I mean I'm sorry. And I want you to breathe. And then eat your lunch that's getting cold because I'm an idiot."

"You're not an idiot."

"No?"

"No. A little crazy. And maybe even a little exhausting... or a lot... but definitely not an idiot."

"Just a little crazy?"

"Yes, just a little."

"That's a lie."

"Fine, it's a lie. You're a complete psychopath."

"That's better. I love you, Claire."

"I love you, too."

"Just a little?"

"Definitely not just a little. Not even close to a little."

"I'm sorry for the sudden storm. I really am... "

"No harm done. At least I don't think... you didn't hurt him, did you?"

"No. I was going to go back and do that."

"And Alaina? Where did you dispose of her?"

"I left her at the salon. They said it was going to take hours."

"So, you have a few minutes?"

"I have all of the time in the world for you."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"You told her I'd fill them when I was ready... the walls... Why did you say that? Have you been waiting for me to do that?"

"Of course."

"I didn't know that."

"You're the brilliant artist, sweetheart, not me."

"Thank you, but... "

"But what?"

"Well, just because I am doesn't mean you have to be stuck looking at my visions all around you. We could-"

"I love your visions. And there's nothing else I'd rather have all around me than the beautiful way you see things. And bring them to life with your gifted fingers."

"Okay. But I don't know what you want. To look at everyday?"

"Yes you do."

"I'm NOT painting myself."

"You don't have to. I have the original masterpiece, and not even you could paint anything that could compare to that."

"The things you say, Mr. Guillory... Give me your cheek!"

"It's yours, you adorable woman. God help you... it's all yours... "

I smother his face with kisses until laughter flows sweetly through his lips.

And then I pull them to mine, fiercely, just in case he couldn't hear the words I didn't say...

And because I'm hoping he wanted to again, even if he did, loud and clear...

THANK YOU...

Clear and Bright: Chapter Twenty Nine: Real

"You going to draw something?" Loring asks when I come back into the living room.

"No."

"Then what's that?" He gestures to the sketchbook in my hand.

"Nothing," I answer, laying the open book on the table next to the door.

I want it to be the first thing Jaimin sees when he comes back.

"What are you up to, Claire?"

"Me? Nothing at all." I sit down beside him on the couch and hug a pillow to my chest. "I've been imprisoned, remember?"

"If you don't want to be here, just say the word."

"Want to take me to lunch?"

"I would happily take you to lunch, as long as it's not Jouissance you ask me to take you to."

"Why are you on his side?"

"I'm not on his side, honey, I'm on yours. Always. I just happen to agree with the decision he made this time. And I really do believe he means it to protect you. And I think you know that, underneath the way you're letting it hurt you."

"I'm not letting it hurt me. He is."

"Sometimes we're faced with tough choices, Claire. None of them are good... or perfect... and all we can do is make the best one we can. And hope the people we love understand."

"Is your mother still not talking to you?"

"I believe we were talking about you."

"But I'm not so selfish that we can't change the subject and talk about you. I don't like being the center of attention, remember?"

"You like being the center of his."

"But I'm not. They are."

"For a few minutes, Claire. So that he can tell them that they're not. And come on, honey, I think you know they never were.  Not for more than a few meaningless minutes at a time."

"Minutes? Hmpf!"

"I really don't want to know about the man's stamina. But I'm glad it hasn't killed you. The newspaper wasn't the only reason I showed up here. Gennie and I were worried about you. He's had you hidden from the world since you got out of the hospital."

"Gennie?" I ask, raising a brow and fighting a smile. Or not fighting it.

"Well, Genevieve. And yeah, ummm... "

"Ummm... ?"

"Don't look at me like that."

"Look at you like what?"

"Like you want to help us choose baby names or something."

"You would be a really great dad."

"Slow down, pretty one, we don't all move at your speed."

"You know I never have before. And I'm not pregnant. That's not why we're getting married. If that's what you think."

"I never even considered it."

"Good. And?"

"And what?"

"Tell me! Unless you'd rather talk about your mother first?"

"I don't have a mother, Claire. Not anymore. According to her. And no, I don't want to talk about that. And I don't kiss and tell. So, we should get back to you."

"I'm sorry. That's... "

"What it is. And don't be sorry. If I'd have made better choices in the beginning, things might be different. And you wouldn't have gotten hurt and been put through hell. I'm the one who's sorry, and who always will be. And that's my cross to bear."

"You shouldn't have to bear anything. You made the choices you thought were best at the time. Or that you could make. You loved him. He took advantage of that. And in the end, he made your choice for you. She can't blame you for that. And I never will for the ones you made first. Ever."

"That's because you're a forgiving and understanding person. And you should remember how much you are when Jaimin comes home."

"He should have let me go, Loring, not left me here wondering. And-"

"You shouldn't marry him if you don't trust him, Claire."

"I didn't say I didn't trust him."

"You didn't say you did, either."

"Well, I do. He doesn't want them. He wants me. I don't have any doubts about that."

"Then what do you have doubts about?"

"Nothing. I didn't mean it that way."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. More sure than I've ever been about anything."

"But you said he shouldn't have left you here wondering. What are you wondering about?"

"I don't know."

"Don't you?"

"No. Yes. Nothing. Just... "

"Just?"

"I just want to see. Is that so hard to understand?"

"You're jealous."

"I am not!"

"There's nothing wrong with that, Claire. It's natural. We all feel it sometimes."

"I am not jealous! Certainly not of a bunch of stupid whores! As if! Have you seen me?"

"Yes, pretty one, I've seen you. Though maybe never this arrogant."

"I'm not arrogant. And I'm not jealous."

"So, what are you?"

"All dressed down with no place to go."

"Well, I can fix that. Just get your coat and tell me where you want to go."

"Okay... I want to show you my new building."

"You mean the one he bought you, that's right across the street from his?"

"Well, technically, yes, but I don't see what its location has to do with anything. It's mine, and I'm excited, I want to show it to you. My friend, that I want to be excited for me, too."

"And I would love to see it, but unfortunately for you, I do see what its location has to do with. And it's a good thing you're so pretty, because you're not that clever."

"You're mean."

"I'm pretty sure I'm a teddy bear compared to your fiance."

"You'd be surprised," I say, gazing wistfully at the ring on my finger, "He's much sweeter than you think he is."

"I'm glad to hear that. And I might even believe it, considering I think his making you stay here is just him trying to keep something that isn't away from you."

"They're definitely not," I frown.

"And not worth your time, I'd say."

"No, they're not. Or his."

"No... but I'd be willing to bet he's making that pretty clear to them as we speak. Don't you think?"

"Yes. I know he is."

"Without seeing it."

"Yes, but-"

"You asked me once to show him some respect. And to trust you that he was a good man for you. Do you remember that?"

"Yes. Your point?"

"Well, I've tried to do that, by looking past the obvious, and less than ideal, and seeing other things. Because I know it's important to you. And I know that he is."

"Thank you. He is. And?"

"And... it seems to me that you want to see something so badly that maybe you've forgotten what you already have seen. And what you know."

"No I haven't... I just don't want to be on the outside. Or be locked in if he is."

"But isn't the place he's locked you in where you most want to be? You're a private person, Claire. I blew up when I saw your engagement announcement because I thought he didn't respect that. You assured me that he does. And I think just maybe... he respects it even more than you realize. And you."



                                                                       ~



Jaimin left me to go close the door on his past. But he didn't leave me alone. And I didn't go running after him. And my silly brain didn't go running anywhere. It stayed with me, like Loring did. So it wouldn't. And so I couldn't.

And then we didn't...

Stay.

We went out and got some fresh air. And some hot chocolate. And did a little Christmas shopping. Until he couldn't stand it anymore. The shopping. And my drilling him about Genevieve. And he dragged me into the Cinema for a silent matinee. To shut me up. And give me something besides him to distract my brain with. And my mouth... that I stuffed with popcorn with extra butter. That ended up being lunch because he got an important call about a case.

That was just a few minutes ago.

"Stop apologizing," I huff, taking my bags from his hand. "Jaimin's truck is right there. He's home. And I promise you he'll feed me. Now, go."

"I can take you in first."

"You don't have to. Go bust open your case." I start to walk away, but turn back around and give him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you. You have no idea how much you did for me today. For us."

"I want you to be happy, Claire. And not get in your own way of that. Are you sure I don't need to take you in there? He told me to stay with you, but-"

"That's because he likes you. And he trusts you with me - even if he'll never actually admit either to you. Like you wouldn't to him. So, no. You don't need to take me in there. There's nothing waiting for me in there that I can't handle."

"You're sure?"

I look up at the sky, and the snow that has started to fall from it, and smile. "Positive."

"Okay." He yanks down playfully on the ear flaps of my given-to-me-by-him hat and laughs. "See you later, pretty one."

I'm almost to the door when he calls out, "And Claire... " I turn around and he smiles at me. "Congratulations, sweetheart."



                                                                     ~



I'm still smiling as I turn my key and open our door.

And then I'm not.

Because it's ripped from my face.

Because what I find inside is not what I expected.

Never could have imagined I would...

Because what I find inside...

Is me.

Covering the walls again.

But different...

Not the way I first saw.

Not Jaimin's way...

Alex's way.

The progression of loss.

Darkness.

And destruction.

Of a dream.

And a man.

And his heart.

And mine.

The final image is slashed.

The black shredded.

Hanging in tatters.

And sitting...

Much the same.

Jaimin is in the chair.

A knife in one hand, a bottle in the other.

Staring at me.

His me.

Not the one on the walls.

That he looked away from when I came in.

To look at me.

Me.

Who just walked into the middle of a battering storm.

That I never saw coming.

But that's here.

And that I want him to know I won't turn and run from.

No matter what brought it here.

His eyes don't leave me as I drop my bags on the floor.

And pull the hat from my head.

Still don't as I unzip my coat and put it on the chair.

And then pull off my boots and walk towards him.

Ready but not sure for what.

"I don't understand," I tell him.

Because I don't.

"Neither do I," he says, his voice anguished and beaten.

My steps slow.

Nearly stop.

I feel heavy.

Like the weight of the world is pushing down on me.

And him.

Suffocating me.

Sucking the air from my lungs.

And the stupid, irrational words from my mouth.

"Did something happen? Did you do something?"

He laughs, but there's not an ounce of humor in it. "You mean someone, Claire?"

It is what I meant.

Even though I didn't.

I know better...

So much better than that.

And I hate my mouth for saying the words.

And making the storm rage harder.

"No. I'm sorry I asked you that... "

"So am I."

"I didn't mean it."

"But you'd still like an answer, wouldn't you?"

"No. I wouldn't. I don't need one. Not to that... but this... " I gesture to the images of my painted face as I fight my heavy legs and walk to stand in front of them, knowing he may not follow, but hoping. And needing to know what I did before the stupid thing I just said. "Why, Jaimin? What did I do to bring her back?"

And he does follow. Lets go of that stupid thing. For now. "You turned your back, Claire. On me. Turned and walked away from me without a glance behind you. And you closed your mouth. That damn mouth of yours...

"You destroy me with that mouth. Every day...

"But taking it away from me... "

"I didn't take it away from you. I-"

My words get lost inside of me and my back hits the wall as he slams the bottle down on the table beside him and flies from the chair and storms towards me - with the knife still in his right hand.

And with hatred in his eyes.

Hatred I've never seen before.

For me.

"Oh yes you did... You took it all! You need to see, Claire... but you're not the only one here with needs. I have them, too. I need to hear! You know that...

"You know it, and you kept it from me. Your sound. Your words... that I needed. Even if they weren't the ones I gave you coming back to me. Even if they were wrong. Or cruel. Even if they would have made me angry. I'm so fucking angry at you...

"And even if they would have hurt me... like they just did...

"I needed to hear the sound of them! Of you! It's the only way I know you're real!"

I'm motionless as he reaches up with his left hand to stroke my face.

Paralyzed by his admission as his fingers seek the solidity of me.

And tethered by his pain as he raises the knife and puts the tip of it to my lips.

Something that should scare the hell out of me.

But that doesn't.

I know I should be afraid...

But I'm not. He won't hurt me.

Not physically.

"I hate your mouth," he breathes, his voice low and thick with brutal truth, the blade cold and hard with it.

"I'm sorry," I whisper against it, tears streaming down my face, my brain working frantically to understand how this day changed so drastically in just a few short hours. And how I can change it back.

This is about more than the I love you I didn't say.

And the stupid words I did.

It has to be.

"Did you call me?" I ask him, trying to put the pieces together.

He seems mesmerized by my mouth...

And his hatred for it...

And his love...

And only nods, his eyes not leaving it. Or the cold tip of the blade that he traces the shape of it with.

But even though he does, I don't keep it still. Or silent.

I can't.

"It's off," I say, "My phone... I didn't... it wasn't intentional. I mean... I did turn it off, but I wasn't keeping the sound from you. Or anything. Not after you left. I just didn't realize that you... I didn't think.

"And I'm sorry for that. And for when I did keep it from you. Before...

"I'm sorry that I made you hate it... when all I want is for you to love it. And me."

"You know I love you, Claire." His voice is far away, even though he's right in front of me.

And I know I need to bring him closer. Bring him back from that place. For both of us. "I do. And you know I'm real. You couldn't hate me if I wasn't."

"I don't hate you... "

Closer, baby... "I know."

"I could never hate you."

Closer... "I know. Not all of me."

"Not any. I... Oh God... "

There you are.

He drops the knife to the floor as if he's just realized he held it.

And looks at me with horror.

And starts to back up.

Away.

But I won't let him.

I won't let him lock me in again.

Or out.

Or himself.

"No," I tell him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him to me. "We handle things together from now on."

"But I-"

"It's okay."

"Claire. It's not. My god... it's not okay... "

He's fighting me. Trying to pull himself from my grasp. Push me away... but now that I have him here, back... I'm not letting him go that easily. And I know that he doesn't really want me to... I can feel it in the way he's letting me hold on.

"Yes it is. And it will be. Everything will be. And we will. Always, Jaimin. You and me. The beautiful fucked up mess that we are...

"The real. And the imperfect. It's all okay. Because we love each other. Even when we hate. And we need each other. Even though we've never needed anyone. We need. It's why we hurt each other... even though it's the last thing we'd ever want to do.

"I love you. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that. And I'm sorry for the silence I gave you after, even though I didn't know I did, or mean to. I'm sorry for every way I've ever hurt you with my stupid mouth. And without it. But I know you'd never hurt me. And that you didn't. And so do you. So, please... hear me. And let it be okay. Let it go, Jaimin. It and not me. Because I am real. And I'm right here. And I have a mouth that I need to make you love again."

"I'm so sorry, Claire... I-" The pain of it chokes him, and tears of regret fall from his eyes, but he's stopped trying to pull away.

And lets me pull him even closer.

And put his hands on my face.

And hold them there.

And show him that I'm not afraid of them.

Or of him.

As long as he's here.

And as long as he can hear me.

"Show me that you know I'm real, Jaimin. And that you still want me to be."

I let go of his hands on my face and he moves them instantly.

Touches his fingers to my lips and then drops them to the button of my jeans.

Has them off of me in seconds and then moves to his own.

While I watch.

See him fight to let go.

Because he heard me.

The love and the trust and the need.

The sound of all of them.

That are all him.

And all desperate as he attacks my mouth with his.

Slams me into the wall behind me as he slams himself into me.

The storm raging harder than ever.

Thrashing me.

And the dream he doesn't need.

The dream that falls one vision at a time to the floor around us...

Driven away by the force of him.

Because he has his real.

It clings to him.

Holds on to him.

Me...

To my real.

I let him feel me.

Batter and pound and punish me.

And hear me.

My cries as he slams me into the wall again and again.

Cries of pleasure, not pain.

Of joy, not loss.

And need...

Filled.

And new created.

There's one painting left hanging on the wall.

The first one.

The clearest.

And I need it down.

Need to know I've taken him back from her.

Need her to know he's not hers to haunt.

And to hurt.

And reach out desperately with my right hand...

That can't reach.

And tries to find purchase on the wall instead.

Tries to grip...

And pull...

"Please... " I cry, "I want her gone!"

His next thrust takes me closer.

And the next.

And the next.

Until finally I can reach.

And rip her from the wall.

The movement violent.

Like his.

In me.

And the rip that tears through my heart.

As my hand finds what I left to rip his.

The thick paper.

With the wounded and broken bird.

That he hung behind the first image of his dream.

The wounded and broken me I wanted to hurt him with...

Before I didn't.

I forgot to put it away before we left.

Didn't notice it as we went through the door.

Our door that he opened and did.

After I gave him silence.

Took my sound away from him.

And myself.

I understand now...

What took him there.

And what brought us here.

And her back.

The thing that I did...

I told him he broke me.

Without any words.

And left it for him to find...

By the door - our door - that he didn't find real behind.

Clear and Bright: Chapter Twenty Eight: Blind

"I've been thinking... and I don't know if I can marry you, Jaimin."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"Well... you're becoming incredibly lazy and unmotivated. Not at all the man I first fell in love with. And I want to marry a man that works. Hard. And takes control of his life. And-"

He thrusts up hard into me with narrowed eyes, "Is that right?"

"Uh... huh... " is all I can manage in response.

A day hasn't gone by that we haven't been in this position since he first surrendered himself to me, but this position is the only one we've been in.

Me on top.

Not that he doesn't participate...

But he's yet to take control.

And I'm really not complaining... my god, am I not complaining... but I'm not sure my legs can take any more. I'm not sure something else can, either...

But I'm nothing if not prepared to battle this storm to the death.

"If you want something, Claire, then ask for it. But be careful... I just might give it to you."

"It's what I'm hoping for. And I believe we've visited careful before. If I were careful-"

He's on top of me before I can finish making my point, and my heart pounds furiously in my chest that he may finally be ready, and willing, to make his own.

But the look in his eyes tells me that perhaps there was a better way to get him here...

And I know by that look that his eyes aren't the only thing that's going to inform me of that.

But just maybe my mouth can get me out from under the storm it set me directly underneath of before it opens up and thrashes me.

"You're right, Jaimin... I really should be more careful. With my words. And with the beautiful man that has been so careful with me. And while I meant what I said to be playful... and perhaps inspire you to prove me wrong... it wasn't funny. It wasn't funny at all. And I love you. And I'm sorry."

"It's not like you to retract what your smart little mouth throws at me before it gets you into trouble. Not feeling so brave all of the sudden, Claire? Now that you're trapped by what it brought you? I haven't even flipped you over yet."

"I know. And whether you do or you don't, I'm still sorry. And I do want to marry you. More than anything in the world. I-"

"Even if I do?"

"Yes."

"And do you think I'm going to?"

"I don't know. You might, I suppose... if you see fit to."

"You're right. I might... if I see fit to... but, sweetheart... there are other ways I could punish you. Other ways  that would feel good, which is not what I feel when I have to damage my pretty little ass for the things my pretty little mouth says."

"Punishment made of reward?" I ask, as he pins my arms above my head and starts to move inside of me. "Are you going soft on me?"

"Does it feel like I'm going soft on you, Claire?" he asks, and slams into me so hard I think the walls around us shake. Or maybe it's just mine...

"Fuck... nooooo."

Nor is there any chance that he will now. Shit!

"Such a naughty little mouth you have today," he says, shaking his head.

I pout as he pulls out of me, both at the loss of him, and at the loss of feeling I wish I had. This is going to hurt...

"Turn over," he says with a heavy sigh.

"I love you," I sigh back, and do as he says.

"I know," he says. "And I know you know where I want it. UP, Claire."

"I love you a lot," I try, getting up on my knees.

"I know," he says, rubbing slow circles over my quivering skin.

"Don't forget," I whisper, as his left hand tightly grips my hip.

"I won't," he whispers back, his lips sweeping over the skin of mine.

A chorus of soft whimpers flow from my mouth as his continues its heavenly course over my sensitive skin. I think maybe he is softening, or at least he wants to soften the blow he's about to deliver...

But when his hand leaves my rounded flesh...

It doesn't return to me with a smack.

It doesn't hurt me as his fingers come up to stroke my hair.

And the back of my neck beneath it.

Run along my shoulder and down my arm.

Entwine them with mine.

And my cry isn't of pain when he slides himself into me.

Fills me.

Buries himself in me.

And his face in my neck.

Breathing me...

Tasting me...

As his hips grind desperately against his spared prize.

"Tell me again," he growls into my neck.

"I love you," I cry out, as his hand digs into the flesh of my hip and pulls me back hard against him, burying himself even deeper inside of me.

"And?" He growls again, increasing our pace... mine and his... me against him.

Because he's in control, but it's of me. My body... that he holds in his hands and thrusts into him, again and again.

Purposeful.

Deliberate.

Showing me my place.

My path.

To him.

Where I should never joke about going.

Never tease that I won't.

And where he wants me to know that he'd bring me...

Pull me towards.

With no hesitation.

No apology.

And no regret.

Like I feel now.

Because I've robbed myself of something.

My stupid mouth took it away from me.

My mouth that disappoints him.

With words I made him wait to hear.

And others that he never should have.

Heard.

Words that I never should have said.

Toyed with.

Because words can cause damage.

No one knows that better than I do.

And I shouldn't ever forget it.

But sometimes I do.

Or at least my mouth does.

And did. Again.

And cost me something. Again.

Something that I love.

And that I want back.

"Jaimin?"

"Yes, Claire?" he asks, his voice deep and delicious as he continues to slam my body into his.

"I'll... tell you. I'll tell you an-anything. Everything... you want to h-hear... but... can I a-ask you for s-something... first?"

My breathless request makes him chuckle. "You can ask me for anything. You know that. It's all you had to do."

"Even if what I w-want to ask you for is m-mercy?"

I hear the pain in my own voice.

Even through my disjointed plea.

The pain that reaches his ears...

And his heart.

And tells his hands to be gentle.

As he softly holds my flesh against his.

And around him.

Gentle.

Stilled.

"I'm hurting you."

It's a statement, not a question.

And he couldn't hurt me more if he had...

Than with his misunderstanding.

The misunderstanding that makes him tremble against me.

And then take himself away.

From inside of me.

And around me.

And even further as I reach back for him.

Too far.

Out of my reach.

And I hate myself...

For the words I got wrong again.

The words I was careless with again.

And I know I'll get what I want if I just turn around...

But I won't take it.

He has to give it to me.

Has to see that I'll wait for him to.

"No, Jaimin. That's not what I... " Damnit! How do I fix this?  "Don't misunderstand. Please... you didn't hurt me. I hurt myself. Or made you... but it's only because I can't see you. I know I did this... took it away with my stupid mouth...

"But can I see? You? Please? Can I ask you for that? I'll take anything else... endure anything... if I can just see your face. Your beautiful eyes. My eyes. Can I have them back? Please? I-"

"You're not hurt?"

"No."

"I didn't hurt you?"

"No. You didn't hurt me."

"Are you lying to me now?"

"No. I wouldn't do that. Ever."

"Then why won't you turn around and look at me, Claire?"

"Because I want you to tell me I can."

His movements are quick...

His body close again.

Close enough that I feel his unsure breath on my shoulder.

His hand in front of me...

Grabbing my face and turning it until our eyes meet.

"Did. I. Hurt. You?"

"No."

"Good," he says after a moment of searching, followed by a stinging crack to my behind.

"Do you want to ask me again?" I ask, wincing slightly from the pain.

His answer this time is to flip me flat on my back and level his beautiful eyes at me.

Well, at least now I can see them...

But I really wish they were smiling at me.

Which they definitely are not.

My lip quivers under his glare.

But the quiver turns into a pout as he starts to laugh.

A pout that gets bitten as he shakes his head and lowers his face to mine.

Bitten by him.

Him, who hovers over me and stares into my confused eyes.

"Did you really think I was upset about your little smart ass remark?"

"Yes. Weren't you?"

"No. Because I knew what you were doing. And I knew you didn't mean it."

"You did?"

"Of course I did. I'm not afraid anymore, Claire. I know how much you love me. I know how much that ring on your finger means to you. You wanted me to believe... to stop doubting...

"You painted the words on a hundred canvasses and surrounded me with them... "

I did. They're everywhere. Everywhere you look in our apartment. My words. My answer. My promises...


Yes.


I do.


I will.


I want to.


I can't wait to.


I love you.


I'm yours.


You're mine.


We'll always be.


I belong to you.


We have forever.


And so many others...

I used every color.

Painted it every way I could think of.

And put them in every place he could see.

So he would know.

Never doubt.

And never, ever forget.

"But even if you hadn't... I would know, Claire. Because your eyes haven't stopped telling me. Your beautiful face. Your sweet smile. And even your sassy mouth... that still says yes even when it threatens to say no to get what it wants."

"I'm a brat."

"Yes, you are. But I know how to handle you."

"You do. And that's all I wanted."

"I know. But next time just tell me."

"Okay. I really am sorry."

"Sorry enough that you'll never say it again?"

"Yes. I promise I won't."

"And that you will?"

"Yes. I'd marry you right now, right this minute if I could."

"That's good to know, Claire, but I wouldn't want that. While you couldn't look more beautiful than you do now, the beauty I see is only for my eyes."

"They're my eyes. But yes, it's only for you. So, I guess my I do  will have to wait."

"Your I do  and your honor and obey."

"I'm not saying that in front of witnesses."

"Oh, yes you are."

"Can't I just say it to you?"

"You can say it to me every minute of every day, I'd certainly never tire of hearing it, but you're still going to say it to me for the world to hear."

"I know you like things grand, but the world is not coming to our wedding, Jaimin. I don't-"

He puts a finger to my lips to quiet me. "Do you trust me to know what's important to you, Claire?"

I nod and he narrows his eyes at me. But then he realizes he's the reason I can't give him an answer he can hear, and moves his finger from my lips.

"Yes," I say without hesitation, knowing we've come a long way since the day I had to explain why I wanted my little tree that still stands down the hall from where we are now. "I trust you with everything."

He smiles at me, with every feature of his beautiful face, and then his mouth curves into a slightly more wicked grin. "Do you have what you wanted now, sweetheart?"

"I have what I asked for," I say sweetly, gazing deeply into his dark eyes.

"But not everything you hope for."

"Not quite... but I'm not sure I trust my mouth to ask you for anything else."

"I do."

"Liar. You just have an answer for anything I might say. But some of your answers hurt, so I'd rather not take a chance right now. I'm not going to ask for anything else."

"But I want you to." His voice is low and sexy with desire, and he shifts where he still hovers above me to part my legs with his knees.

His lips ghost over my face in featherlight kisses that he then trails tantalizingly down my neck. "Do you remember what you said to me, Claire? The night you tormented me with your little pink shorts?"

"I wasn't trying to torment you when I put them on."

"But once you realized the power they gave you?"

"I just wanted you to... " Oh... I do remember. 

And he sees that I do as he raises his eyes to mine. "Say it again, Claire," he whispers, his breath flowing over my breast, securing full attention from my nipple.

And as much as it wants his talented mouth to claim it, where it hovers just above, teasing me...

The words he's asking me to say now is exactly what I wanted when I said something else.

And I'm not going to deny him when he's ready to stop denying me.

I reach for him...

Take his face in my trembling hands...

And bring it back to mine.

Eyes piercing...

Mine his and his mine.

Mouths close.

Close enough that my words flow right into his... "Show me who I belong to. Show me I'm yours."

Closer as his captures mine.

Takes my words.

The ones he wanted to hear again.

And my breath.

And me.

All of me.

Dominantly.

Fiercely.

Ferociously.

Driving me into the bed.

Showing no mercy.

Showing me...

Who I belong to.

Showing me...

Making me see...

Feel...

Know...

I'm his.

And ensuring that I'll never forget.

Never, ever forget...

What I gave him when I said yes.

With my mouth.

That he's forgiven.

That didn't disappoint him...

This time.

But that still may get me punished...

Because I'm not disappointed...

I'm not...

And I'm not holding back...

Anything.

From him.

I can't...

Can't...

"Fuuuuck!... "


                                                                       ~


"Your rules are confusing me again."

"Why's that, beautiful?"

"Why am I not in trouble?"

"In trouble for what?"

"My naughty mouth."

"It's my mouth. And some naughty is allowed."

"It is?"

"Yes. It is. When you can't help it."

"Well, that's always, so-"

"Claire."

"Yes?"

"Be careful."

"The sassy has a mind of its own. I shouldn't be punished for it. You should punish it  instead. Or let it say it's sorry properly."

"Are you trying to ask me for something, sweetheart?"

"Definitely."

"I see. But I can't say that it's clear to me what that is."

"You can't?"

"No. I can't. It's either a clarification of the rules... or a punishment you haven't earned... or an opportunity to  say a proper I'm sorry when you've done nothing to be sorry for... but I'm not entirely sure which."

"I'd be willing to break a rule and make it clearer."

"Or you could just tell me what you want."

"You know what I want. I want you. In my naughty mouth."

"And I'd love to give you that, beautiful, but right now I'm going to work. Which is something you already asked me for."

"I didn't mean it when I said that."

"A hard lesson learned, sweetheart. Maybe that will teach you not to say things you don't mean."

"I promise I won't disappoint you if you don't go."

He clutches my hand in his as I tug on his belt and brings it to his mouth, kissing it sweetly. "You couldn't possibly disappoint me, Claire. Not any part of you. But I still have to go. Michel wouldn't have called me if it wasn't important."

"But-"

"And while you are the most important thing in the world to me, and what you want is hard to deny you, and myself, it will just have to wait until I come home."

He kisses my pouting lip and reaches into my robe to give my ass a firm squeeze. "Such a pretty mouth... that I promise you I want to feel wrapped around me...

"You can keep it warm for me, can't you? And wait like a good girl for me to come and fill it?"

I nod my head instead of letting him hear my yes and he chuckles deeply. "Getting yourself into trouble won't change anything, sweetheart. You'll still have to wait. I see no point in you doing it uncomfortably."

"I'm already uncomfortable."

"And I love you for that. But I still have to go. And I still want to hear your answer before I do."

"You already know my answer."

"Give it to me or you won't get what you want."

"Yes. I'll wait. Like a good girl. And keep it warm. And wet. Which I always am. For you."

"Very good girl. That will get you something extra."

"I'm pretty sure what I asked for is all I can take."

"You seem to have forgotten who you belong to, Claire...  and who that hungry little mouth belongs to. And how much I love to spoil you. And how happy it makes me when you accept my gifts. But I have faith in you. And you have time to get it all in perspective. You won't disappoint me, like you said. You'll take everything I want to give you. So, you think about that... and keep my pretty mouth warm while you do it... and I'll see you later. Call me when you get hungry. For food."

He taps his cheek, an order for a goodbye kiss, but I pull his mouth to mine instead, even getting him to surrender his tongue to me for a preview of his homecoming. A preview that makes him moan deeply before tearing himself forcefully away from the temptation. At least I know he feels some...

I expel a wistful sigh as he strokes my hair and opens the door to leave me alone for the first time since...

Since I was taken from him.

By the brother of the man standing in the doorway with his hand poised to knock on the door that is no longer closed.

"Loring... what are you doing here?"

He steps inside, glaring at Jaimin as he walks past him to get to me. "Wondering why I had to read about your engagement in the paper like everyone else. In an announcement that is everything the Claire I know would never want."

"What? What are you talking about? We haven't announced anything. No one even knows but-"

I'm rendered silent and open-mouthed as Jaimin rips the handful of papers from him and I see my worst privacy-invading nightmare in print.

Big. Bold. Larger-than-life print.

And his picture... the dashing, once-elusive bachelor and one of Paris's most revered and successful young  chefs and restaurateurs.

And mine... the beautiful young artist whose quiet, reserved brilliance claimed the Paris art world and whose remarkable beauty the heart of the aforementioned unattainable Monsieur Guillory.

It goes on and on and on...

In paper after paper...

And Loring is right...

It's the last thing I would ever want.

And I feel sick.

"Jaimin... I don't... Why... How could...  No... "

He shoves the papers back at Loring and pulls me into his arms, cupping my face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, Claire... I-"

"Then why did you do it?!" Loring yells, "If you knew her at all-"

"You think I did this to her?" Jaimin screams, tucking me under his arm and snatching the papers back. "I know that's not what she'd ever want!"

"But you would! And you put your own pompous arrogance before her! How could you be so selfish? If you love her so fucking much like you claim?"

"DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER!"

I jump in before Loring can say another word, or Jaimin explodes, and this escalates any further. "Loring, stop it. Jaimin didn't do this... he wouldn't-"

"Don't be so naive, Claire. He did  it. Without any concern for your feelings. And-"

"He didn't do it! I know who did it! And she... she... oh, God... "

"She, who? What? What's wrong, Claire?"

I look away from Loring and see my sudden realization all over Jaimin's face. And hear it in his voice...  "Sweetheart... "

But I'm not going to let him get away with it. "It's why Michel called you. Why they need you. Why you're going. Leaving me to go. The restaurant is full... overflowing with customers... who were waiting for the doors to be unlocked... and who are still waiting... waiting for you. They're all women. Because your official unavailability was spread all over Paris this morning...

"You knew... You knew and you weren't going to tell me... You-"

"No, Claire. I didn't know. I figured it out when you did. When I saw. Just now. Just like you. But it's nothing for you to get upset about. I'm going to go take care of it. And then I promise you, I will take care of my mother. She shouldn't have done this, and she's going to-"

"What's done is done. It's too late to do anything about that...

"But you're not leaving here without me. I'm going to go get dressed."

I pull away from him, but he grabs me before I take two steps, and his arms lock around me. "You are not  going, Claire."

"The hell I'm not!"

"I said no."

"You're not going without me!"

"You're not coming with me, Claire. This is not up for discussion."

"You're right. It's not. Because I'm going!"

"There's no way in hell I'm going to let you see that. You are going to stay here and wait for me to come home."

"See what, Jaimin? Your harem fully assembled and frothing at the mouth for one last taste? You once told me to stand my ground... Well, that's what I'm doing. I'm going with you! Because you're mine and they can't have you anymore! And if you really love me, you won't tell me I can't. You won't make me sit here while you go running to them. You won't hurt me like that."

"I'm not taking you with me, Claire... because I love you. Far too much to subject you to that. Seeing it will hurt you. You know that, sweetheart. I can't let you see. I won't. And I won't let you hear. And don't twist it around...

"You know how much I love you. And you know I'd never let anything hurt you, not if it was in my power to stop it. I can stop this, Claire. And I can protect you from it. I know what's best for you... and letting you go with me is the worst thing I could do. For you. You're not coming. And you know that the only running I'm going to do is back to you. The only woman on this earth that I will ever want. For the rest of my life."

"I know that, I do... but you can't ask me to just sit here while-"

"I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. And my decision is final."

His phone rings in his pocket before I can say anything else and he pulls it out and after one quick glance, answers it with an angry "I'M COMING!" before turning back to my pleading eyes. "I have to go, sweetheart. I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise. "

"Please don't leave me here like this. Not alone... Please, Jaimin. You know how crazy my brain can be... it will run away from me... and if you're not there to-"

"CLAIRE."

"Lower your voice when you talk to her, Jaimin. She's NOT alone here."

"I was hoping you'd feel that way, Loring. Stay with her. Please. And don't let her leave."

"If you mean don't let her follow you, we're in agreement on that, but if she wants to get out of her prison, then I'll take her."

Jaimin's determination to get out of here - and be somewhere that I don't want him to go, somewhere without me by his side - determination so strong that he doesn't even argue with Loring...

And refuses to hear me...

Has taken the air from my lungs.

Because he's locking me in again.

In a place I don't want to be without him.

His place...

That he made ours...

And that he's leaving me in to go to another.

Another place that's his.

But not mine.

The place I once couldn't stay away from...

Was drawn to...

Held by...

Where I was right under his nose...

Under his control...

Even before he knew he had me...

That place...

The place he doesn't want me now.

The place he used to...

But that he's letting them take from me.

The them that was once his.

And still wants to be.

He knows this...

Knows I know it...

And still he won't let me see.

He says it's to protect me...

But he doesn't understand...

That it's destroying me.

Before he's even gone.

I'm still as he kisses my cheek.

Silent as he tells me he loves me.

Obedient as he tells me to go get dressed...

Not to go, but to stay.

Where I've been locked in.

By him.

Who I obey as I go.

Walk away without a word.

No I love you.

No goodbye.

No come back soon.

And no look back...

To his eyes that I know are on me.

That I feel watching me.

His eyes that I love...

I don't turn to look at them.

Or at him.

I can't.

Not now...

Because he told me I couldn't see.