A frown forms instantly on my face as I roll over and find the space beside me empty. He's not here. I inhale deeply, trying to appease myself with his scent. It's better than nothing.
My eyes flutter open as I realize where I am. I don't remember getting into bed. I sit up and try to clear the sleepy haze from my head, my mind traveling back to last night. Have mercy... last night...
Well, that certainly does nothing to clear my head. Damn, I'm a lucky girl. I'm powerless to stop the idiotic grin that plasters itself to my face. A really, really lucky girl...
I push the blankets off and shake my head at my new pajamas. I don't remember putting them on. What the hell? We were lying in front of the fire... I was snuggled against him, his arm lovingly around me... he was stroking my hair in that heavenly way he does...
I must have fallen asleep. He must have carried me to bed and put the pajamas on me. Of course he did. He's supposed to be taking my clothes off, not putting them on...
Stop complaining! Hello????
She has a point. Last night was... oh my...
This train of thought is getting me nowhere. Must focus. Must move.
So, how early did he leave me today? I glance at the clock on his bedside table and my mouth drops open. It's almost one in the afternoon. Crap! I jump out of bed and make it quickly, and run to the bathroom. My reflection makes me giggle. Is this glow a permanent new fixture on my face? Like he's not cocky enough?
Maybe I can wash it off. I brush my teeth and wash my face and reinspect. Nope. Still there. Oh, well... he earned it. I run my brush quickly through my hair and set off in search of my gorgeous man and his brilliant mouth.
He's not in the kitchen. He's not in the living room, nor is any trace of last night. He's not on the balcony. I know he wasn't in the bathroom or bedroom. I consider he may have left, but then I see his keys on the table near the door where he left them last night. There's only one other place he could be. His office.
As much as I want to see him, I don't want to bother him. He's given me every second of his attention since the day I got the call from my father, and if he's finally attending to his own business, I'm not going to disturb him. The fact that he let me sleep so late only reassures me that I'm right to leave him be.
I head back to the kitchen to look for something to eat. I'm instantly intimidated. I actually feel like I'm doing something wrong just by being in here and touching anything. Maybe I should wait. My stomach growls in protest immediately. Well, maybe...
I don't think you should touch anything.
Of course I shouldn't! But, do you hear that?
He probably hears that! Which means he'll undoubtedly come running any second now to feed you. Don't. Touch. Anything!
I ignore her and open the cabinets, looking for junk food. Of course there isn't any. He probably even makes that from scratch. I know I'm not going to find much in the refrigerator, we haven't been here, and he did mention that we needed to go shopping. There must be something that doesn't need to be cooked. I open it and look. No such luck. Hmmm... I see cheese, though I have no idea what kind it is. Cheese is cheese, right? I know we have fresh bread, and I see butter. Cheese sandwich it is. I'm capable of that without burning his kitchen down.
I finally find a knife that I won't cut an arm off with, and even the right kind of pan, I think?... Well, it will have to do, because it's the only kind I see that looks even remotely like what I would use at home. Okay... now if I can just figure out the stove. Geez, this looks complicated. I think flying a space shuttle would be easier to figure out.
I am begging you to stop. Look at that thing! You're lucky you know how to use a microwave! That thing is The Louvre of stoves! Am I speaking a language you can understand now? Have some respect! DON'T TOUCH IT!
Have you no faith in me?
HELL NO! NONE! ZERO! ZIP!
I get the point! I childishly stick my tongue out at her. She may not have faith in me, but I do. My starvation will guide me. Hopefully.
Okay, here goes. I can do this...
I'm feeling less and less confident as the minutes pass by. And boy, do they pass... I'm getting frustrated. My stomach is getting downright pissed. Nothing I touch, turn, or push has any result. At least not one I can see... well, I don't smell gas, so... in any case, I'm glad he doesn't smoke. I sure wouldn't want to light a match or anything...
Maybe it's on and the flame is invisible?
Maybe you're just an idiot?
I ignore her RUDE question and pass my hand over the top - HIGH over the top - feeling for heat. Nothing.
This is getting embarrassing...
So, GO AWAY!
I push a few more buttons and nothing happens. Maybe it's voice command?
"Turn on," I try, ignoring her cackling. Nothing.
Oh, please... even if it was, which is RIDICULOUS, think about who it belongs to. I'm sure it would only take orders from HIM.
She has a point.
"Please turn on?" I try again, hoping it likes sweet as much as it's master. Again, nothing. Big shock... like begging him ever gets me anywhere...
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Uh oh. I turn, pout already in place, hoping to distract the wrath waiting behind me.
His feigned anger lasts about two seconds before he bursts out laughing. "Did you really just ask it to turn on?"
I transform my pout into a full-on quivering lip. "I said please."
"God, you're adorable."
"So, you're not mad?"
"I am."
"Oh..."
He's glaring at me as he stalks toward me. When he reaches me, he wraps his right arm around me, resting his hand on my ass, as he lifts my chin with his left hand. "I'm mad because you finally woke up and didn't bother to come and find me."
His hand comes off of my behind and returns with a smack.
He can't be too mad, it barely stings. "But I did. I knew you were in your office... I assumed you were busy and I didn't want to bother you... "
Another smack, just a teeny bit harder than the first.
"That is for assuming."
And another, a teeny bit harder than the second.
"And that is for thinking you could bother me. You know better than to do or think either."
Okay, definitely stings now. "You know... you could rotate once in a while... "
"Valid point, sweetheart." He rears his hand back and it lands in a hard-enough-to equal-the-previous-three smack to the other side. "That is for even thinking that something on the level of crap that is a cheese sandwich could be made in my kitchen."
"I like cheese sandwiches," I pout.
"I assure you, you wouldn't have liked that one. If such a hideous concoction were to be made, that is not the kind of cheese you want to do it with. I have no doubts that you would have promptly spit it out."
"If I'm not willing to swallow something, I don't put it in my mouth. In case that's of any interest to you."
"You're asking for it."
"I believe I already did. I was denied the privilege. Poor me."
His voice is deep as his thumb snakes across my bottom lip. "Poor you will be when I don't deny you the privilege."
Oh my... "Well... you said I was asking for it... and I did insult your kitchen with my unsuccessful, though intended crap... and I touched your precious, pretentious stove without permission... "
"More valid points, sweetheart, and may I point out that I'm not so inclined to reward such wrongs with punishment made of privilege." His hand lands hard again on his original target. "Anything else you'd like to confess to while we're here? My arm is by no means getting tired. In case that's of any interest to you."
Okay... really stings now. I pout and shake my head.
He roughly squeezes my stinging behind in his hand. "What was that?"
"No," I say quietly. My stomach says some words of it's own, and it's anything but quiet.
"That's more like it. Now, behave yourself and give me a kiss, so I, with the help of my pretentious stove, can feed you."
I stand on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him passionately, hoping to erase any traces of anger that may be lingering, although I really don't think he's mad. His mouth is welcoming and appreciative. Definitely not mad.
My greedy stomach growls in protest again, not in the least bit satisfied with what's in my mouth. Don't I get a vote here?
Apparently, the answer is no. He grips his hands under my ass and lifts me and drops me a little too hard on the counter with a chuckle against my lips. "Don't blame me, beautiful, my tongue is clearly not enough to satisfy one part of your body."
"Ignore that part," I plead, trying to pull his retreating mouth back to mine.
His gaze and voice turn soft as he cups my face in his hands, "I can't. The thought of you hungry hurts me."
Oh... "I'm not four years old anymore."
"I know... but I think you're still just as helpless. And you are hungry. I can't ignore that. Okay?"
"Okay."
He smiles at my acquiescence and kisses me impossibly sweetly before tending to the task of preparing lunch for us, while I watch from my perch.
Apparently, he had Michel drop off a few things while I slept and he's been waiting to eat with me. He must be starving. The thought of that doesn't make me happy.
"Did you get some work done while I wasn't awake to demand all of your time?"
"I had a very productive morning, and you were unconsciously in full command of my time, I assure you."
"Yesterday you said I was an angel when I was asleep."
"You are."
"Then how could I have been in full command of anything?"
"I'll show you after lunch."
"Show me what?"
"I have a surprise for you."
"Another present?"
"Not exactly, but something for you. I hope it will make you happy."
"You make me happy. You don't have to give me anything."
"You know, you're very sweet when you're not being a brat."
I bat my eyelashes at him innocently and he answers with a mush inducing wink. God help me.
He chuckles and lifts me from the counter, carrying me to the table and sitting me in my chair. "I like it when I render you unable to walk."
He walks back to get our plates and I take advantage of the distance and the blessing that I'm sitting on my precious behind. "That's because you're impossibly cocky. Speaking of which... I'm sure there are other ways you could render me unable to walk... maybe after lunch... "
His deep, maniacal chuckle sends a chill up my spine as he sets our plates on the table and leans to whisper in my ear, "Since you asked for it, you may, indeed, be unable to walk after lunch... but my cockiness will have nothing to do with it. At least not the way you have in mind."
Crap. Really not what I was going for... I pout at him again and he shakes his head.
"EAT."
I obediently put a bite into my mouth. The heaven that greets my taste buds makes me forget my impending doom. I think I actually moan out loud.
The cocky smirk he now wears tells me I did. "I have pleased you."
It wasn't a question.
"Perfection, as always, Mr. Guillory."
"Almost."
"I can't imagine how it could be better... "
"It could, if it tasted like you."
His words and his lustful stare make me feel suddenly shy and I look down at my plate, knowing the blush has taken over my face.
"Eat, my beautiful, bashful girl."
I take another bite and peek up through my lashes at him. His eyes are still lustful, his mouth curved into an adoring smile. He's enjoying the effect he's having on me, the innocence he's bringing to the surface. We finish eating in silence, our eyes having their own quiet conversation.
I pick up our plates and take them to the sink, turning on the water. He's behind me instantly, turning it off and nuzzling my neck.
I moan softly and he spins me around to face him, his lips murmuring against mine. "If I have now satisfied your hunger, I would like the rest of my kiss."
"Take it," I murmur back.
He crushes me to him and I open my mouth to his waiting tongue, letting him have control of me. I told him to take, and he couldn't resist the power I was offering him. He already knows he can have every part of me, but hearing the words ignited something in him. He kisses me long and hard, his hands moving over every inch of me, pulling at me roughly.
It's one of those moments he has, one of those moments where his need for me takes over. I feel it in his lips. I taste it on his tongue. I feel it in the beat of his heart, pounding against me. I feel it in his crushing grip. He needs to possess me.
It doesn't matter that I'm here. It doesn't matter that he doesn't have to search for me anymore. The words I've spoken... the things he's seen in my eyes... the parts of myself he knows I've given only to him... none of that matters in this moment. He's still vulnerable. He still lets me see it. He needs more.
This is what his mother didn't understand. This is what she misread. Giving him what he needs doesn't make me weak. I couldn't give it to him if I wasn't strong. I couldn't give it to him if I was afraid. I couldn't give it to him if I didn't love him. He knows that. He knows it absolutely.
I feel his arousal, it digs into me, and my own courses violently through me, but this isn't about that. He will end this soon, I will be left breathless and wanting, but I will have given him what he needed. So, I let him take. I let him get his fill, satisfying his need. Selflessly. I'm capable of being that for him. I won't pout. I won't push. No tantrums or fits. I'm his in whatever way he wants or needs.
I feel his hands come up to wrap around my throat, his fingertips grazing agonizingly softly along the back of my neck, and his lips turn incredibly gentle. He knows he's tormenting me by touching one of the most sensitive parts of my body, and I know he's about to end it right there. Evil, arrogant bastard... that I love beyond words...
He chuckles softly against my mouth and I can hear his words as if he is speaking them now... Endure it for me.
His lips and fingers continue their gentle assault. My hands are trembling as I place them lightly on his arms, insecure in my ability not to topple over if I don't hold on to him. He doesn't pull them free, he doesn't order them down. I asked him never to take them from me, I know he remembers.
He pulls his mouth from mine, our labored breaths mingling in the space between us, and his fingers still, but he doesn't move his hands. We stand this way for what seems an endless period of time until he speaks. "Look at me."
I open my eyes and see what I gave him looking back at me. This is why I surrender myself to him. What I see now. This is worth everything. This I will always want to see. "It's all for you," I whisper, and the boyish grin he gives me melts me completely.
One more moment of vulnerability. "Forever?"
"Until I stop breathing."
He wraps his arms around me as he whispers, "I don't want to live to see that day. I may have to break my promise to never leave you someday, but only because I could never watch you leave me."
I close my eyes and hold him as tightly as my arms will let me. I think of my grandfather, how I watched him die a little more each day after my grandmother was taken from him. I will always believe that he died of a broken heart. He didn't give up, he fought every day, but the pain of living without her won the battle in the end.
As much as I can't bear the thought of my life without Jaimin, I hope that I am the one that has to endure that pain instead of him. Yes... I can be selfless for him.
The silent tears fall from my eyes at the irrational thought of what I hope is a long forever from now. I see them land one after the other on his shirt through the watery blur and his hands move to lift my face and wipe them away.
"I'm sorry I'm so selfish," he whispers to me.
"I know," I whisper back.
He holds my face tenderly in his hands as he looks at me, and I place mine on top of them. I'm not afraid of the rejection I may get. I want to say the words. I have to say them. I hope he wants to hear them this time.
I see something flicker. I think he knows. I think my eyes tell him. I wait for the briefest moment, giving him the chance to stop me. His breath catches as I open my mouth, but he waits. He wants to hear.
I want to say it loud and clear... I want to scream it so that it echoes off of the sky... but I'm overwhelmed by the look in his eyes... my words come out as nothing more than a whisper...
"I love you, Jaimin. I love you wholly and completely, and I will love you until my last breath, even if it's a lifetime after you've left me to take it alone. It's all for you."
He stands motionless, staring at me, shock and wonder in his beautiful, dark eyes. His lips part, but no sound comes out. His hands on my face seem almost to melt into my skin. I watch him, needing, as always, to simply see, and I do.
I smile at him, and kiss him softly on the lips as I pull his hands from my face. "You blew your chance... I'm going to go take a shower. Have fun with the dishes!"
I turn to walk away and he grabs my hand. "What are you doing, Claire?"
"Sticking you with the dishes," I laugh.
"You know that's not what I mean."
"Jaimin... you don't ... "
"You can't just say something like that to me and walk away."
"You seemed a little overwhelmed... I just thought... "
"Of course I'm overwhelmed. The woman of my dreams is real and she loves me. You are real. You are here. I look into your big brown eyes and they look back at me, not just from a painting on the wall... they look back at me. They're my eyes. Every beautiful thing I see in them is for me. Your mouth... your smart little mouth that, I swear will be the death of me, is capable of such sweetness... You bring me to my knees, Claire. You humble me in every way. You... you love me. Overwhelmed doesn't begin to describe... "
His voice trails off. He knew, I'm sure he did, but hearing it... I watch as his emotions flood over him. Consume him. He opens his mouth again and again, but nothing comes out. It's frustrating him. He wants to give it to me, I know he does, I see it... but this man of endless beautiful words is lost, his words trapped inside of him... words I know he's never spoken... emotions he's never felt or expressed...
I brush my fingertips lightly over his lips, "You don't have to say anything. I wasn't waiting for that. I just needed to say it. You let me tell you. That's all I wanted... for you to know... for you to want to know. You don't have to give me anything else... "
"If I could wrap up the universe in a pretty box and tie a ribbon around it and give it to you, it wouldn't be enough... it wouldn't be anything near the gift that you are. Do you understand that? You love me... my God, Claire, do you have any idea what that means to me?"
My own voice has left me. My eyes fill with tears again and I shake my head.
"No, sweetheart, you can't possibly... I've dreamed of hearing those words from you... watching them flow from your beautiful mouth... feeling them wash over me... believing them. As with everything else since the day I saw you real before me, my dreams have been shattered by the inconceivable reality that you are. Better... more... so far beyond... there aren't words to describe you. They don't exist. You love me... " He shakes his head, struggling for breath and words. His hands are trembling as he takes my face in his hands, "It's not enough to say that I love you. It's not nearly enough... I don't know how to tell you... I so much more than love you... so much more... You are so much more... "
The tears pour from my eyes, my hands move again to his arms. "You're taking my legs from under me... I'm going to fall... "
"Never. Your arms are right here. They're yours forever, I'll never let you fall."
I can't catch my breath, the downpour accompanied by a violently pounding heart. He smiles at me tenderly as he kisses each tear from my face. "Ne pleure pas, mon chaton... ne pleure pas. Laissez-moi vous aime... plus que vous l'amour."
"Je suis `a toi pour toujours," I whisper, as his mouth takes mine in a kiss that crumbles everything I have left. I feel my legs dissolve into nothingness and he lifts me into his arms as I surrender to him. More. His more. I feel every ounce of his love in his adoring mouth, every bit of more in his strong arms that hold me securely to him. I feel the happiness that surges through him with my complete surrender.
His soft lips move from my mouth to my face, placing gentle kisses over every feature. "Open your eyes, beautiful. I want you to look at me."
I fight the delirium just enough to give him what he wants. If I were standing, the love I see in his eyes would knock me to the floor. He knows. He sees what it does to me.
"God, Claire... please never stop looking at me like that."
"I couldn't if I tried, which, of course, I would never dream of doing." My eyes go dramatically wide and he smirks at me.
"You better never."
"No, Sir."
"I like that."
"I know you do."
"Say it again."
"No, Sir?"
"No, not that."
"Yes, Sir?"
"I like that even more, but no... not that either."
"I'm not sure I know... "
"Please."
He wants it. Thank God, he wants it. I've never been happier that my face shows everything I feel. I watch him read it before I say the words he wants to hear. It takes his breath away.
I smile at him and take his face in my hands as I look deep into his eyes, "I love you. I love you more than I knew was possible, and you're right... it's not enough, but I promise you will always know. I hope it always makes you happy... and Jaimin... you better love me forever, because believe me, you're stuck with me."
The innocence in his smile melts my heart. I pucker his mouth with my hand and plant a sweet kiss on his lips. "Now put me down before your arms fall off, and give me my surprise."
"You're adorable."
I nod at him and he laughs. "And a bossy, spoiled little brat."
"That you more than love."
"Yes, I do. And Claire... don't worry about my arms... they, like the rest of me, don't tire easily. May God have mercy on you... "
Oh! "Is that the surprise?"
"NO. And don't pout."
"Yes, Sir."
He winks at me and starts to put me on my feet. I grip tightly to his arms. "Well, don't put me down now!"
His tone is arrogant, "I did say you wouldn't be able to walk after lunch... "
"Does that mean your precious ass is safe?"
He chuckles, "I'm glad you know who it belongs to, and yes, it's safe for now... but unless I render you unable to speak, that could change at any moment."
"As you see fit?"
"Some things will never change, sweetheart."
"As long as other things do, I can live with that."
"Like you have a choice... "
"No, Sir, certainly not... not since the very first moment you took me captive with your eyes."
He sets me on my feet just outside of his office door, and I'm surprised that the smile he gives me is again innocent instead of cocky. He tilts my chin so that I look up at him. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He gently strokes my hair from my face and opens the door with his other hand, gesturing me inside. He looks nervous and unsure. Vulnerable. I take his hand and step in and his generosity instantly overwhelms me.
What was once his spacious and comfortable home office has been transformed into a studio. He's moved his desk into the rear corner of the room, the overstuffed chair I curled up in one night with a book while he worked is turned beside the window that overlooks the beautiful courtyard below. In it is a pile of sketchbooks and a fancy box of pencils. There are three easels with waiting canvasses, and a multitude of others leaned against the walls. The doors of his beautiful hand carved armoire are open to reveal it's new contents... palettes, paints and brushes - brushes upon brushes, in crystal glassware, no less. His attention to details surprises me, he's given me all of my favorite things, all of my preferences.
"Jaimin... "
"I know it's not everything you need... I know you need a work table and some other things... We can go get those things today, and I know you're used to more space... "
"How did you do all of this?"
"Well, I know where you get most of your supplies... I called first thing this morning... they're very fond of you there... they were more than happy to help me when I told them what I wanted to do for you. They know what you like... I wasn't surprised to hear how picky you are... they even delivered it all... I think the young man has a crush on you."
I giggle at his change in expression with his last statement and put my arms around him. "I think he's all of 19... that's a little young for me, but yes, he does. Sometimes you're very cute when you're jealous."
"You have far too many admirers."
"I only love one."
His new innocent smile is going to be the death of me today, and what he's done... "Thank you. It's perfect, but your office... "
"I don't spend that much time in here. You having a place to paint is much more important to me. I know you need to be alone sometimes... but I just want to be close to you... and I don't want you to be unhappy when you're here... like you're being kept from what you love... "
"I love you."
I hope his face always looks like it does now when he hears those words from me. Mercy...
"And you love this. It's the only thing I'm willing to share you with.
Anything you need... anything you want... just tell me. Come and go from here as you please. Change anything you want." He pulls a silk scarf from his pocket as he continues, "When you need to be alone in here, just tie this on the door and I'll know. I'll give you your space... I admit that I hope that someday you'll let me watch you paint... but I won't push you. I promise I won't."
I raise my brows in shock, "As I see fit?"
God, his face is priceless...
"On this one thing, yes."
"That's very generous of you. Does it hurt?"
"You have a smart mouth."
I give him a smirk and repeat his earlier words, "Some things will never change, sweetheart... "
He gives me a playful smack on my behind. "No, they won't."
He doesn't remove his hand as he gazes at me. It moves over me appreciatively and I just watch his face. His other hand comes around me and he smiles wickedly at me as he molds his hands to me.
"Feel something you like?" I tease.
"Mmmmm... my prize possession."
"You're a very appreciative owner."
"You have no idea... "
"Some, perhaps."
I see the change and I know the moment has passed. "So, do you like your surprise?"
"Yes, I love it. You didn't have to do this for me, but thank you. You're very sweet... I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I promise you I know that."
"We both know that's not true, but I'm glad you like it."
"It is true. Don't argue with me."
"Thin ice, beautiful."
I laugh at his need for control taking over and roll my eyes at him. He answers with a narrowing of his own and I lean up to kiss him sweetly. "Welcome back."
"Inevitable."
"I know. So... I was thinking... that envelope Nadine gave me with the key... I'd like to see what's there. Would you take me?"
"If that's what you want, of course I will, but I hope it's nothing that will upset you."
"Whatever it is, as long as you're there with me, I'll be fine."
He strokes his thumb across my cheek and pulls me into his arms. "I hope that's true. Always."
"Can we go today?" I murmur into his chest.
"Yes. If you ever get dressed, you beautiful bum."
I laugh and look down at my pajamas. "You dressed me?"
He smirks shamelessly, "Yes, you're much more cooperative when you're passed out from sheer exhaustion."
"You could have had your way with me and I'd have slept right through it."
"DON'T BET ON IT."
"Yes, Sir, glad to hear it. Would you like to help me take them off?"
"I think you can manage without me."
"I can, I just don't want to."
"Too bad."
"Okay. Would you like to help me with my shower?"
"I've written my notes as you requested. I will refer to them as I see fit. Cracking ice, beautiful."
Tempting... but I think I've pushed my luck far enough. I smile at him sweetly and head out of the room, my hands desperately trying to prevent anything else from cracking. His chuckle follows close behind me.
"Move your hands, that's mine and I want to see it."
"My apologies, Sir. As you wish."
I drop my hands and glance over my shoulder at him just before I enter the bedroom to get my things. Never ceases to amaze me...
I hear him talking to someone as I open the bathroom door, and then I hear her voice. His mother is here. Great... now she probably thinks I do nothing all day but lay around and keep her son from his business. He said she'd been there several times looking for him... she probably went there first today too... for all I know, she might think I'm some starving artist after his money...
I am so not in the mood for this, but I will not let her ruin this day. I dress quickly, complete with yesterday's presents, and head toward their voices. I find them in the kitchen, she must have shown up while he was cleaning up from lunch, just one more thing to make me look bad. He's leaning against the counter looking irritated. She looks like a child that's just been scolded. They both look up when I enter the room. She smiles at me warmly and he extends his arm for me to come to him.
"Hello, Caressa," I say politely, as he wraps his arm around my waist and kisses the top of my head.
"Hello, Claire. Jaimin tells me the two of you are heading out soon... I won't keep you, but there are a few things I wanted to say. Of course, if he had answered any of my calls, I wouldn't have had to come... "
"Get to the point, Mother."
"You see, Claire, my son is upset with me for the way I conducted myself last night. Mind you, this is because I was upset with the way he conducted himself... "
He exhales in a huff and she puts her hands up in surrender. "Okay, Jaimin." She sighs, and turns her attention back to me, "I wanted to speak with you privately, but he's informed me that he's not going to allow that. Perhaps you could speak for yourself now that you're here?"
He pulls me closer to him and tightens his hold on my waist. It's a clear answer to a question I wasn't going to ask. "Caressa, if Jaimin doesn't want us to speak privately, then I will respect his wishes."
"Alright. I expected as much, although I had hope. He's not going to like what I have to say, but here it is...
Hearing that Jaimin was with someone was in itself such an unexpected, yet wonderful surprise... but knowing that he cared for someone... that he's capable of caring for someone... I was overjoyed. I couldn't wait to meet you... to meet the woman that opened my son's heart...
When I saw that it was you... after I got over the initial shock... a multitude of different thoughts started running through my head. He's wanted you for a long time... a very long time. Jaimin is a man, of course he was intrigued by your beauty, but he's spent so much time surrounded by it... creating dreams of you in his mind... I was instantly concerned for you. You were an obsession to him. I know how determined he is when he wants something... I admit I didn't think he'd ever find you, and if he did... well, I didn't think you would be very receptive to him. His obsession with you wasn't exactly normal. Don't worry, he knows full well my feelings on that.
I know how charming my son can be... I know how women are taken in by him, I've seen it with my own eyes for years. I know many of those women served a purpose... more than I ever want to know about... "
"MOTHER."
She puts her hands up again and shakes her head, "I'm sorry, Claire, I don't mean to speak of things that must be unpleasant for you. I know you're not like those women. I knew instantly that you were different. I could see immediately that you surpassed for him any fantasies he'd had of you, but that only concerned me more. I know you care for my son, but watching the two of you... his obsession with you hasn't diminished by his finding you. I think it's only grown into something more... troubling. It seems to have turned into some kind of irrational possession, which you don't appear to fight.
I don't know you well enough to make assumptions... and I did that last night. I'm sorry, that wasn't fair, and I realize that now. I was upset with him and I took it out on you. I hope you can forgive me for the way I acted, because I truly am sorry, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still concerned for you. I think he's very manipulative with you, and it worries me that you may not see that. There's something very innocent about you... I think he's very drawn to it, but at the same time, he can't resist taking advantage of it.
I can see that you don't like the things I'm saying... please don't misunderstand me. I love my son very much, and I want more than anything in the world for him to be happy, but I want that happiness to be pure. I want the person he finds it with to love him freely, not because she was controlled or manipulated to believe something that wasn't there. I'm not saying that's what's happened, but I know he wants you. I know he wants you to want him. I'm afraid that, even if he's powerless to stop himself, he'll do anything to have you. He'll do anything to make his dream of you real. That worries me for both of you, but terrifies me for you."
His grip on me tightened with every word she spoke, her eyes flitted to it repeatedly, but she seems fixated on it now. Admittedly, his arm and hand are like a vice around me, and she can't help herself.
"Jaimin... " She steps towards us and tries to pull me from his grasp. "Darling, you're going to hurt her."
Her attempts to free me serves only to tighten his grip and the look in his eyes chills me as much as his tone. "Stop trying to take her from me."
I don't think he's even aware of what he's doing. Her words, and now actions, have triggered his defense mechanism to hold on to me. Certainly she must know that. Just like she knew it last night. Why must she push him? My eyes and voice are a plea, "Caressa, please... " but she doesn't look at me. I follow her concerned stare to his fingers, white from the force of his grip. I'm not surprised, he is hurting me now, but she's only making it worse by trying to to pry them from me.
I turn my body into him, and he welcomes it, but his desperate hold doesn't change. "Jaimin... " I whisper softly as I try to lean up so only he can hear me, "No one could ever take me from you, I promise you that, but it's a little too rough, sweetheart. I don't want you to let go, but could you loosen your grip just a little bit? I'm not going anywhere."
It takes only seconds for my words to register and the pained expression that now consumes his face breaks my heart. He starts to drop his arm, but I reach across myself to pull it back around me. My mind flashes to his armless marshmallow demon man and his explanation for it... Because arms have hands... and I worry how much he will punish himself for this. I need to start damage control now. I entwine our fingers and bring his hand to my lips, kissing it sweetly.
"Don't." He tries to pull his hand from mine, but I hold it as tight as I can.
"Please don't take it from me," I say, reaching down to take his other. "Don't you know how many sweet things you do with these hands?" I pull them up and put them on either side of my face and mouth the words I love you. It's enough to distract him from his self-torment for the moment.
He pulls my face to his and plants a light kiss on my lips and whispers, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I... "
"Shhh... I know that." I pull his hands back from my face and kiss each palm before turning around.
I clear my throat as I look at her, and she gives me a small smile. "I assure you, you need not be worried or terrified about anything. I'm where I want to be. Much of what you said may have truth to it, but you're wrong, too. Feelings can't be manipulated or controlled. At least not for me. My heart doesn't work that way. What I feel for your son, I feel freely, and his happiness means as much to me if not more than it does to you. I will make him happy and that happiness will be pure. I know you don't like me very much, but you're going to have to find a way to deal with that, because I'm not going anywhere. I'm not a dream, I'm real and I'm here to stay, because it's what we both want, whether you like it or not. And if watching us disturbs you so much? DON'T WATCH. Was there anything else you wanted to say, Caressa?"
She just stares at me and I feel Jaimin's breath on my ear as I watch her eyes focus on him. "I so much more than love you," he whispers to me.
Her eyes go wide and I know she has some idea of what he said. I turn my head to look up at him and he beams at me. "You're a tough little thing when you want to be."
"Or when it won't get me cracked... " I laugh.
He winks at me and I pretend to faint against him. He chuckles and gives my hair a gentle tug, and wraps his arms around my shoulders. My smile fades slightly as I meet Caressa's disapproving glare.
"Cracked? Would either of you like to tell me what that means?"
I can't see Jaimin's face behind me, but she changes her mind suddenly. "Never mind... I'm sure I don't want to know... " She closes her eyes and shakes her head as if to clear something unpleasant from her mind and then looks at me. "Claire... I've given you the wrong impression... You think I don't like you? Oh, honey, that's not true at all. Please don't think that. You know... Aricin absolutely adores you. He read me quite the riot act last night. He told me I had you very wrong. And he told me what you said... I don't think you're weak, but for some reason, you let Jaimin be very dominating with you. I don't understand it. I thought it was because you were afraid of him... it worried me for you. I think I was wrong about that... I don't see an ounce of fear in you, but I'm not sure there shouldn't be...
Don't misunderstand me, I know Jaimin would never intentionally hurt you, but he's so intense with you that I don't know if he realizes that he puts you in a vulnerable position. I saw you handle that a few moments ago, and your way certainly worked better than mine, but I'd rather you didn't have to... " She's still talking to me, but she looks at her son as she continues, "I would just like him to be more careful with you. Gentler. And if he's not... I'd like to think you'll stand up to him... like you just did with me."
I feel him kiss the top of my head and take a deep breath. "I know how precious she is, Mother. And don't think that she won't stand up to me, don't think that for a second."
"Good. I'm glad to hear that." She smiles at both of us and I see the love she has for her son in her eyes.
She watches as I place my hands on his arms around me. "I choose my battles, Caressa."
She laughs now, "Oh, Claire... I know how stubborn my son can be, believe me. He's never liked being told no. Maybe if I wouldn't have let him win so many of those battles myself, he wouldn't be so impossible now. Of course his father was no help. I don't think he ever told him no. Let's blame him."
Jaimin is laughing now too, "I'm going to tell him you said that."
"It's nothing he hasn't heard before. So, do you love me again?"
"I always love you, Mom, but I love you more when you're not being a bitch."
"Let go of her so I can smack you."
"You know, Mom, I might be gentler if you hadn't beaten me all of my life."
"Oh, please. And you shouldn't say things like that, Claire might believe you. The only thing I'm guilty of is spoiling you rotten, and God knows we all pay the price for that now."
"I'm positively charming."
I'm giggling at their exchange when I suddenly hear my phone. From behind me? Right behind me. What the hell? I haven't even touched it since yesterday... as far as I knew, it was still in my bag... but it is definitely not in my bag now. "Jaimin? Do you have my phone in your pocket?"
"Yes."
I pull myself free from his arms and turn to look at him. "Can I have it, please?"
"No."
"No?"
"NO."
"Why not?"
"Were you expecting a call?"
"Did I get one?"
"Three calls, and a few messages."
"And did you answer those calls?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I can. Unless you're hiding something from me, that shouldn't be a problem."
"I'm not. You know that. Don't be an overbearing ass."
"You're entertaining my mother, but I don't like your tone. I recommend you change it."
"Give me my phone."
"I already said no. Twice."
"I don't want to fight with you... "
"It would, indeed, be pointless."
"Fine, you win, as usual. Did you take any messages?"
"You win when I see fit. You're supposed to call someone named Emilie. She said it was important. Who is she?"
"Oh no. She is a very sweet girl who has undoubtedly just returned from vacationing with her family to discover I've left the gallery. I hired her, she was kind of like an assistant to me... I adored her... Nadine did not... I hate to even think... "
"She called, too."
"Was she crying? Please tell me she wasn't crying... "
"Emilie? No, she wasn't crying."
He smirks and I can't help but smile at the thought that perhaps Nadine was. "Do I want to know"?
"It's insignificant."
"And the third call?"
His face is angry now. "Also insignificant."
"I would like to know."
His voice is dripping with contempt, "Maurice Cloutier."
"Really?"
"Yes, really, and I really don't like your tone now."
"Jaimin... don't be jealous, he's a gallery owner... "
"A very prestigious gallery," Caressa chimes in, clearly impressed.
"I KNOW DAMN WELL WHO HE IS."
"Okay, calm down please. Did he say what he wanted?"
"He wants YOU."
"In a professional capacity, I'm sure. CALM DOWN."
"I assure you that is NOT the only capacity he wants you in. You're too innocent to realize that, but it doesn't matter, you have me to see the things that you don't, and I took care of it."
"I've met him before, and what do you mean, you took care of it?"
"You met him when?"
"Jaimin... "
"Answer my question."
"Answer mine."
"Claire."
UGH! "I don't know... maybe two years ago? My turn."
"Where?"
"At the gallery."
"His or the Bouchard's?"
"The Bouchard's. I'm not going to answer any more questions until you answer mine. What did you do?"
"You'll answer my questions until I stop asking them. Why was he there?"
"You're not being fair."
"Don't make me ask you again."
"He was angry that an artist he wanted signed with us. He came there to huff and puff."
"Who did he huff and puff at?"
"Nadine initially, then I stepped in and he calmed."
"Are you trying to make me angry?"
"No, I'm answering your questions. Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Don't be smart."
"Don't be irrational."
"You have never seen me irrational, and I promise you, you don't want to."
"No, I don't. Can we move past this please?"
"How did you calm him?"
"I don't like what you're implying."
"I'm not implying any such thing and you damn well know it. I asked you a question and I want you to answer it."
"I don't know... I didn't do anything but approach the situation in a professional manner. It was appreciated."
"How was it appreciated?"
"He stopped huffing and puffing."
"And?"
"Offered me a job."
"And?"
"I declined."
"AND?"
"Okay! Yes, he hit on me! Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"No, but it's what I knew absolutely. Don't make me ask you, Claire."
"I DECLINED."
"My patience with you is wearing very thin."
"I could say the same to you."
His jaw clenches and he takes a deep breath, and he turns to Caressa, "Mother, don't you have something to do?"
"Yes, I'm doing it, thank you. Would you like to know who's side I'm on?"
"No, I wouldn't."
This has gotten so completely out of hand, and I really don't understand what the hell he's mad about... I'm the one who should be furious... though I still have no idea what he did, I have no doubts that it will piss me off. I am not going to let him turn this around on me.
"Jaimin, please tell me what you did. I understand that some recent messages I've gotten have put you on alert, but my professional life has nothing to do with that. You took a business call and... "
"YOU ARE NOT DOING BUSINESS WITH HIM."
"That's my decision."
"TRY AGAIN."
"My answer won't change."
"Claire, this is not up for discussion. Your answer will change, or you can keep your smart little mouth shut. You don't make decisions alone anymore. That's the way it is. Accept it."
Who the hell does he think he is? "Have you lost your mind? You don't get to make my decisions for me!"
"I do and I did."
"No, you don't! I don't tell you how to run your restaurant... I wouldn't dream of it, because I sure as hell wouldn't know how, and because it's not my place. I would appreciate some semblance of consideration from you that I'm not just your little dream girl come to life. I'm a human being with my own mind and I am capable of making decisions for my career and what's best for me. I will go back to work, and I will decide who that is with or for. I am respected in the art community because I've worked hard and honestly and I've earned it, and frankly I'm brilliant with a brush. Maybe it's all you see, but my pretty face has nothing to do with it! People want me for more than that! I don't know what the hell you did, but I can imagine, and I don't appreciate you demeaning me to Mr. Cloutier as nothing more than your possession who you won't allow to speak for herself. You don't get to take my voice away! You don't get to disrespect me like that! It wasn't your decision to make!"
I can't help but notice that Caressa is positively beaming with womanly pride, but his face... he's clearly shocked by my words. He almost looks hurt.
"Claire... I would never demean you... not to anyone... how could you even think that? I was protecting you... I don't even know what to say...
You think your beautiful face is all I see? I love your face, but you're wrong, sweetheart... I know how much more you are... I know how brilliant you are... I know how smart... I know how strong... I did not mean to disrespect you, I wish you wouldn't see it that way. I would never take your voice away... and I'm sorry for what I said a minute ago, I truly am, but I'm not sorry I did what I did.
I know him, I've known him for years... I have no doubts that he wants you professionally, and I have no doubts that he would love to have your work hanging in his gallery, but that is not all he wants. I won't allow you to work for him, or do any business of any kind with him. I won't let him near you, and I made that very clear to him. I did what was best for you. I'm not going to budge on this."
He reaches for me and I step back, shaking my head, and wrap my arms around myself and he looks like he's been slapped. If I wasn't so angry it would break my heart. Actually, it breaks my heart in spite of how angry I am...
Don't back down. What he did was wrong.
"You've never pulled away from me before... "
Oh no... "Jaimin... "
"Not even that first day... "
"I'm upset with you."
He's trying to manipulate you. You're right, you know you are, don't let him win.
Oh God, his face... My arrogant bastard is nowhere to be seen. There's not a trace of cocky in this face before me... he's hurt. I can't bear it, it's killing me. I look at Caressa and her expression isn't much different. She's seeing him vulnerable and it's breaking her heart. She knows I'm right, but she can't bear to see her son hurting, even by his own doing.
I know it's a little thing, and I am mad at him, but I can't hurt him. It's not a little thing to him. I step towards him slowly, giving him his own chance to back away, but he does't move. His hurt eyes don't leave me, not for a second. I reach my hands up to hold his face and he doesn't pull away. He needs it too much to be proud. He wants it too much to punish me in return.
"I'm sorry I did that. I'm sorry I pulled away from you."
His voice is soft and vulnerable, "Don't do that to me, Claire."
"Okay," I say, stroking his cheek, "I know. I'm sorry."
He reaches to take the gemmed heart between his fingers and whispers, "Please don't break it."
"You know... this was easier when you were being an arrogant, overbearing ass."
"You pulled away from him."
"He made me mad."
"He just needs to protect you."
"He's infuriatingly controlling."
"He loves you."
"Just him?"
He shakes his head, and that simple gesture added to the tenderness in his eyes is crumbling me. I have to try to make him see before I have no will left. "Jaimin, I need you to listen to me. I need you to hear me. What you did was wrong. You went too far. I know you need to protect me, but I am not a child. I don't care that you answered my phone, I'm not hiding anything from you, but that call was business and you interfered because it was a man... "
"Not just any man, Claire. I know him better than you do, he's a snake, and there's no way in hell that he's getting anywhere near you. You're not working for him."
"But that is not for you to decide... "
"Yes it is."
"No, it's not. And before your head starts spinning around, listen to me. Please."
"Okay, Claire, I'll listen to you, but it won't change anything."
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, knowing he's probably right. It won't change anything because he won't see it my way. Because he is unwilling to see anything any way but his. Well, I have to at least try.
"I don't want to work for him. I'm aware of what kind of man he is. It surprised me that you said he called because our one meeting didn't end well. I told you that I declined his scandalous proposal, but he wasn't that easily deterred. I threw him out of there on his ass and threatened to call his wife if he ever dared to approach me again. That is why I showed surprised interest, not because I was intrigued or in any way interested in whatever he was offering. I would have told you all of that if you'd given me the chance before you went all control-freak on me and made me mad.
It's not the first time my phone has rang, you know that. You've been with me for every call I've received, and I've discussed every offer with you. I want you to be a part of my decisions, but they are my decisions. You can't make them for me. You can't make them behind my back. Don't do that again. I mean it, Jaimin. It's not okay."
"What did he do?"
Unbelievable... "Is that the only thing you heard?"
"No. Answer the question."
I walk to the refrigerator and take out a bottle of wine. Mr. Arrogant is back and there's no escaping him. We're not going anywhere anytime soon. I pull three glasses from the cabinet and look at Caressa. She smiles a knowing smile at me.
"I choose my battles," I say with a sigh, and look to Jaimin, cocky, unwavering smirk on his face.
He pulls out a stool from the center island and gestures for me to sit. "You talk, I'll pour. And don't leave anything out."
Yes, Sir, you impossibly stubborn, controlling man...
that I love beyond words.
~ ~ ~
Translations :
Jaimin : "Ne pleure pas, mon chaton... ne pluere pas. Laissez-moi vous aime... plus que vous l'amour."
"Don't cry, my kitten... don't cry. Just let me love you, more than love you."
Claire : "Je suis `a toi pour toujours."
"I'm yours forever."
