Clear and Bright: Chapter Twelve: Glitter In the Air

The air is still.

Too still.

Dark.

Too dark.

Much, much too dark. 

Where am I?

I'm confused, disoriented.

I close my eyes, and open them again, but nothing changes.

I try to take a deep breath, but there is no air.

No air.


No light.


No sound.


No...


I reach my hand tentatively up, slowly...


Please let there be space. Please let...

No...


No air.

No light.

No sound.

No space.

My hand moves only inches before I feel it.

Hard.

Smooth.

Solid.


Oh no...


I push, push as hard as I can, but nothing. It doesn't give.

I know where I am now.

The panic claws and bites at me. I try to fight it, to take a deep breath, desperately searching for calm, but there is no air to breathe. Panic will win.

Not even he would find it...


It grips. It chokes. It suffocates me.


He's gone. He couldn't if he wanted to.

I'm sorry I'm leaving you all alone.

She's gone too... she couldn't have done this.

They're both gone.

Together.

Gone...

But still I hear the words...

No one will ever let you out.


It laughs. Snickers. The panic is cruel.

No!


No air.

No light.

No space.

No s...

I would have never stopped searching.


Sound.

I hear sound.

His beautiful voice.

Ringing...

I'll never leave you.

I'm not alone.

Air.

Light.

Sound.

"Claire, wake up, sweetheart. No one's going to hurt you. I'm right here. I'd never let anyone hurt you. It was just a dream. It's over now. Look at me, baby, please. See? There's nothing to be afraid of."

He's here. Of course he's here. He's so close. There's no space, but I don't need it anymore. I don't want it.

I reach my hand up and touch his face. Soft. A little scratchy, but soft.

I love this face. These eyes. This air.

The panic falls away.

I can breathe.

I smile at him, a thousand thank yous in my curved lips, but I don't speak those words. No, there's only one thing I can say.

"You found me."

I know those three little words mean something to him, spoken once before, and the depth of them is all over every feature of his beautiful face.

"I'll always find you, Claire."

"I promise you won't ever have to look again."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"You're welcome to hold me to something else."

"You're incorrigible."

I bat my eyelashes at him, and he jumps off of the bed. In one swift motion, he flings me up and over his shoulder, planting a playful smack on my behind.

"That didn't hurt," I giggle.

"It wasn't supposed to."

"This time."

"Yes, but there's always next time, sweetheart."

I'm still flung over his shoulder, we're in front of my bureau, and he's looking through my drawers.

"Maybe I'll be good and there won't be a next time. What are you looking for?"

He chuckles, "We both know you won't be good. There will be a next time. What I'm looking for is something to put on you, so I can get you out of that wet t-shirt, but everything I see will undoubtedly make next time an immediate occurrence."

"I like to feel spoiled, even when I sleep."

"I see that."

"Why do you think I raided your drawers? See? I was trying to be good."

"I'm taking you shopping tomorrow. Your trying to be good will get you an extra present."

"I like presents, and I think tomorrow is today."

"I think you're right, and of course you do."

"There are sweatshirts in the closet. I'm cold."

"That's because you're wet. I'm going to take care of that."

He walks to the closet and chooses a sweatshirt, and carries me into the bathroom. He sets me down gently on the counter and turns on the tap, letting the water get hot. When he's satisfied with the temperature, he lets the sink fill while he grabs a washcloth and tosses it in. He takes a towel from the cabinet, and lays it on top of my sweatshirt, and comes to stand in front of me.

"Arms up, beautiful."

What? "I'm not wearing anything under this."

"Believe me, I know."

I glance down and see my nipples hard against the sweat-soaked fabric. Well, I am cold...

I can't hide the shock on my face at what he's willing to do to take care of me.

He misreads it. "Unless that will make you uncomfortable?"

I shake my head and raise my arms, and he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. I think he's saying a silent prayer, a plea for strength, and it makes me smile. He opens them and looks at me, and his eyes make another.

I know what he's asking.

"I promise," I whisper.

He exhales once more, and lifts my shirt off, dropping it to the floor. My breath catches as I watch him look at me. I'm exposed. I'm on display for him. Again. I'm too intrigued to feel shy or embarrassed . His eyes travel lazily, but deliberately over me, and it sends shivers through my entire body, goosebumps erupting over every inch of my skin.

"I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be warming you up... "

"I'm not cold." It's not a lie, it's the absolute truth. I'm warm.

"You're perfect. That's what you are."

I feel the flush start to bloom it's rosy hue. His eyes grow darker, for a fraction of a second, then I see him fight for control. I won't make it harder for him. I sit very still and keep my mouth closed, keeping my promise.

He raises a brow at me in what I think is shock, and I give him a sweet smile.

"You just earned yourself another present. I'm sorry I doubted you."

I reach up and draw an invisible halo above my head, and it makes him chuckle.

"Good thing you already have the horns to hold it up."

I pout, and he smiles at me, tracing his thumb over my lip as he leans over to grab the washcloth from the water with his other hand. He brushes my hair away and cups the back of my head in his hand, gently wiping my face with the warm cloth. He dips it again and runs it down my neck, across my collarbone, and over my shoulders. My heart starts to quicken and I wonder if he notices. He dips the cloth a third time, and lifts my hair to rub it along the back of my neck, and I gasp.

"Interesting," he murmurs, running it along my shoulder blades. I struggle to regain my composure, but all is lost when he dips it again and runs it down my back. The sensation sends me teetering forward and my hands grasp his shirt. He raises a curious brow at my reaction. "Very interesting."

"Sorry," I whisper, my lip trembling.

He drops the cloth into the water, and puts his finger on the top of my head. "So, from here... " trailing it through my hair, down the back of my neck, and agonizingly slowly down to the base of my back, "to here."

I don't respond, I think my body has answered for me. I'm a breathless and trembling mess. It's traitorously trying to make me break my promise, but I can't. I won't. He's trying to be sweet, that's all this is. He made it very clear that we are not going there. Get a grip, Claire...


I release his shirt from my fisted hands, and let them fall, tucking them under my legs. He dips his hand for the cloth again, and pauses it there, his fingers gliding back and forth through the water. I'm looking down, but I feel him watching me. I want to ask him what he's thinking, but I'm afraid to open my mouth. He squeezes the water from the cloth, and I turn my gaze to the sound. The sight of his fingers squeezing takes my thoughts to last night and I wish they were somewhere else. Squeezing something else. For both of us. The thought makes me clench, and I grip my thighs.

"You're making me jealous. Those are mine. Let go."

"It's all yours," I say with a sigh, moving my hands out from under me.

He brings the cloth to my chest, trailing it down between my breasts. Maybe the worst is over. I can get through this, as long as his hands stay in front of me. My breasts have never been very sensiti... oh God!


His left hand is cupped under my right breast, his thumb grazing my nipple, the cloth in his other hand motionless. I've never felt that sensation before, it's completely foreign to me. This part of my body has never been sensitive, not at all, but then, I've never felt his touch before. I look at him, and I know his task is temporarily forgotten. His eyes tell me, his still taunting thumb, his fingertips, gripping now into the flesh of my breast. His mouth is slightly open, his breath shallow.

 Shit! What do I do? I don't want him to stop... God, I really don't... I'm amazed at how good it feels. I'm captive to the look in his eyes, putty for his hands... damn it, but I know if I just sit here... feeling... selfishly wanting him to follow this distracted course... letting him... it will end badly. He'll be angry.

I don't want that. I can't... oh, why does it feel so good? I want a truckload of presents for how good I'm about to be.

"Jaimin?" I say sweetly, putting my hand on his motionless one. "Maybe I should finish this myself."

One more tantalizing stroke of his thumb, and I see the instant he registers my words. His hand freezes, then drops to his side. I don't know what to make of his expression. His eyes are hard, his jaw set. Something different than anger...


Oh, please don't be upset.  It's no more than what teenagers do in the backseats of cars. Well, I didn't, but I know my friends all did. I was a good girl. I think that's how he sees me... innocent. Sweet. No, it wasn't too far. I'm not a little girl...

He shakes his head, and pulls his hand from mine. He throws the washcloth into the sink, the water splashing up at me, and walks out of the bathroom, pulling the door closed behind him.

Shit!

I make quick work of finishing what he started, dry myself, and pull the sweatshirt over my head. I leave the bathroom in disarray, and go to see how bad of a storm is brewing. I find him in the kitchen playing with marshmallows?


"Having fun?" I ask, popping one into my mouth.

He doesn't look up. He doesn't answer. Not a good sign.

"Thank you for... " I begin, but he looks up now, and I'm silenced by furious eyes. Okay...


I might as well get it over with. "Are you angry with me? Did I do something wrong? I tried to be good."

His voice is dripping with disgust. "What on earth could you have possibly done wrong? Wait... actually you have. Don't trust me."

Oh no. "I wish you wouldn't say that. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disobey that one. Wait... actually I'm not sorry."

"As I see fit, Claire. Don't."

"Anything but that."

"I mean it."

"I know you do, and that breaks my heart. Give yourself a break, Jaimin. You're human. It wasn't anything to be upset over. You didn't do anything wrong. You made me feel beautiful."

"You are beautiful. And much too sweet for me. This isn't right... what I'm doing with you."

What? The air is leaving. "If you're about to walk out on me because you think it's what's best for me... "

"Walk out on you? You give me too much credit, Claire. If I was a good man, that's exactly the decision I'd make, but I'm not."

He sets a piece of his marshmallow art in front of me. It's a man, although incomplete. There are two cloves sticking out of the top of it's head. Horns.

"Is this supposed to be you?"

"It is."

I see the other he has made, although he hasn't given me that one. He's still playing with it.

"Why don't you have arms?"

"Because arms have hands."

Oh... "Well, I like your hands very much. And I need your arms, don't take them away from me."

I pick up toothpicks from the counter and make arms on my puffy little demon man. "You know... I was going to remove the horns, but I have a special fondness for your wicked side. I wouldn't ever change that. Marshmallows were a good choice. They're sweet. I'm very fond of that side of you, too. There... now it's you. You are a good man, Jaimin. And I'm keeping you. As I see fit."

"I already made that choice for you. Proof that I'm not."

I think I'll let that one go, for now. I know how to distract him. "These marshmallows are making me thirsty. I know it's the middle of the night and everything, but would hot chocolate be too much to ask for?"

He looks at me now with a tender smile. "If you wanted the chocolate freshly made in Belgium, it wouldn't be too much to ask for. At any time of day or night."

"The things you say, Mr. Guillory... " I make an exaggerated gesture of putting the back of my hand to my head and fainting and he rolls his eyes at me.

He sets his other marshmallow creation in front of me and gently strokes my hair, before turning to tend to his task of spoiling me. I know it's me. Smaller than his, there's cloves again, but turned the other way and used for eyes this time. Suspended atop her head is a halo made of lemon rind.

"Where are my horns?"

He turns to look at me over his shoulder. "No horns for the angel, I was wrong about that. I'm turning this entire apartment into a crime scene, one room at a time."

"I'm not a victim, Jaimin. I almost was, once... " My voice trails off, and I shake my head, trying to shake the memory away. I look up at him and there's fury in his eyes. Uh oh. "I'm sorry... I wasn't trying to... "

He stops what he's doing, and walks over to me and lifts my chin. Gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm not angry at you. I don't care what you did... that son of a bitch had no right to try to take something you didn't want to give him. No one has the right to hurt you, Claire. I swear to God, if I ever find out who he is, I'll kill him."

"I wasn't teasing him. It wasn't like that."

"You don't have to defend yourself to me, sweetheart."

"No, I do. I need you to know. The way I am with you... I know I tease you... that's not who I am. That's not how I've ever behaved with anyone. Only you. I swear I'm not lying to you. It wasn't like that. Please believe me."

"I do believe you. I have a better understanding of you than you think I do. I pay attention. I know your face. I know your eyes. I know your mouth. I know the difference between your playful pout and one that means you're sad or your feelings are hurt.

I know when you're surprised, by a word... or a touch...

I know when I've said something to you that you've never heard before, and I know when I've said something you've probably heard a thousand times.

I know when you're feeling something for the first time or in a new way... I know that just happened.

I know when you're feeling shy, and I know the wicked gleam you get in your eyes when you're not.

I know when you're going to get yourself into trouble before you do.

I know when you don't want to talk about something. There have been a lot of those somethings lately, and I have tried to respect that... give you your space.

I know when you're telling me the truth. I know you've never lied to me. You don't have a poker face. Your beautiful face tells me everything.

I know how innocent you are. I know how sweet. And I know when you want me. A man knows, Claire. A man always knows when he's wanted. And he knows when he isn't. There's no confusing the two. You didn't do anything wrong. I know that.

And tonight... I was out of line and out of control with you, until I heard your words. I stopped. I will always stop. That's what a man is supposed to do."

"I didn't stop you because I wanted to."

"I know."

"I did it for you."

"I know that, too."

"But I was good."

"Very good."

"I want presents for that."

"You're adorable."

"And thirsty."

"Oui, mademoiselle."

"I prefer Your Royal Highness."

He laughs and throws a marshmallow at me. "This ain't England, baby."

I pout at him and he laughs again and turns around to resume my hot chocolate preparation. As much as I want it, I'm also feeling playful, and I beam a marshmallow at him and it hits him right in the back of the head. I hear a deep chuckle and it sends a shiver up my spine.

He turns around and oh my... 


"My little angel wants to play, does she?"

Yes... "Bring it, evil." I throw another marshmallow at him, but he catches it.

And another... caught again.

Another.

Caught.

His cocky smirk makes my insides flutter.

"You sure about this?"

"You don't intimidate me."

His eyes narrow playfully and he stalks toward me. "Are you sure about that? You know the rules... if you choose to break one, there will be consequences."

"Perhaps I misspoke."

"Perhaps you did."

"An error in words isn't necessarily a lie."

"That's up to interpretation."

"Mine?"

"Try again."

Oh, my arrogant bastard... I back up slowly, simultaneously reaching down to roll the waist of his sweats. If I run, they'll surely trip me. He's watching me, laughing wickedly, knowing it won't help a bit, the bottoms hanging dangerously long off of my feet.

"You could roll them up. I'll wait. I want you to have as fair a chance as possible, not that it will make any difference."

"You think you're so charming... "

"So do you."

"You should get over yourself."

"Even if I could, I'd still have you to stroke my ego, so why waste time trying?"

"I'd rather stroke something else."

"You're going to be stroking your very sore behind in a minute."

"You wouldn't."

"I will."

I trudge back over to the island, putting it between us, a momentary shelter, and pick up my angel, holding it up to him. "No horns, remember?"

"Perhaps an error in judgement on my part. Easily corrected."

I make a face of exaggerated surprise and lean her down to plant a kiss on her demon love. He snickers, drops the marshmallows I threw at him, and holds his hand out for her. I place her in his hand and he turns her over and picks up demon man.

"You wanted him to have arms. Consequences, sweetheart." With a satisfied smirk he executes the angel's punishment.

"You're going to hell for that."

"My fateful destination to hell was sealed the moment I laid eyes on you."

My tone is serious now, "Don't say that."

"I like truth, Claire. It isn't always pleasant. It's what it is."

I hop up onto to the island and crawl across it, putting my arms around his neck, placing my cheek against his. "You're scratchy."

He reaches his hand out and cups it around my ass. "You're soft."

"Like marshmallows?"

"Much softer," he says with a gentle squeeze.

"Hey! It's firm!"

"I stand corrected. Soft and firm."

"Which one are you?"

"Claire."

"Yes?"

He pulls my arms from around his neck and places my hands on the edge of the counter. I am now on all fours. Oh crap!

"Don't move," he says in a stern voice, moving to walk around the island.

Well, I've done it now... 


"Very nice." His voice is low and deep behind me.

I wish I could see his face. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" I ask innocently.

"I think you know."

"Oh, hot chocolate! Yes please."

"Wrong. Try again."

"Can we talk about this?"

He places his left hand under me, gripping my waist, and his right firmly against me. "No."

"But I didn't break any rules."

"Actually, you did. You're proving it now."

"You said you know I've never lied to you. I think you just forgot, but now I've reminded you, so can I get down now?"

"No."

"I'll give up all of my presents."

"Once you earn something from me, I don't take it away. You'll always get what you have coming."

I can hear the smirk in his voice. Cocky bastard. I guess I've got nothing to lose. "Can't you just enjoy the scenery?"

His hand starts to move slowly over me. "I assure you, I am."

I can feel his fingers tighten their grip on my waist. Is it possible he's getting distracted? I move slowly, rotating my hips in a hopefully seductive manner, mimicking the movement of his hand on me. His hand stills. God, I really wish I could see his... "Ow!"

Shit, that hurt!

He grabs me under my waist with one arm and flings me to land hard onto the counter.... right... where.. it... hurts. It brings tears to my eyes.

He is not apologetic. "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN."

"Ever?" I choke out.

"CLAIRE."

Wow, he's really pissed.  I really wasn't trying to make him mad. I put my hands under my legs, trying to raise my sore ass from the hard counter. I'm surprised he put me here, he doesn't like it when I sit here... I think of why and I smile in spite of my discomfort.

"Something amusing you?"

Oops. "No."

"I should think not."

"That hurt," I pout.

"It was supposed to."

"Obviously."

"Don't be smart."

I lock my lips tightly together and he shakes his head with an exasperated sigh and turns back to the stove.

Oh great, now he's going to poison me.


"What are you doing?"

"Making the hot chocolate you asked for. No more distractions. Understood?"

He turns to look at me when I don't answer and I nod my head.

"I expect an answer when I ask you a question. One that I can hear."

Geez... "Yes. Understood. Sir."

He is not amused. "Would you like the other side to match?"

"No, thank you."

"Your words say no, but your smart mouth says otherwise."

Well, this isn't fun. I look down at the figures beside me. I pull my hands from under me with a wince as my throbbing behind reconnects with the hard granite and pick up my little demon man, touching my finger to his horns.

"Would you like me to turn on a burner so you can toast him?"

"No."

"There's toothpicks next to you. You could stab him."

"I don't want to."

"Remove his arms?"

"No. I still want them."

He walks over to me and sets my hot chocolate next to me. "You could drown him in there. But take out the horns first, you wouldn't like the taste of that."

"I don't want to do that, either."

"Did you have some other form of torture in mind?"

"No. Thank you for the hot chocolate."

"You're welcome. Be careful, it's hot. I don't want you to burn your mouth."

"You don't?"

"Of course not. Don't be ridiculous."

"I'd rather burn my mouth than you be mad at me. It would hurt less."

"Then it's a good thing I'm not mad at you."

"Why do you get to lie?"

"I'm not lying to you, Claire. You know better than that. I'm not angry."

"You were."

"Yes, and now I'm over it. I happen to think every moment I have with you is precious, it doesn't make me happy to waste any of them."

He means it. I see it. Will I ever get used to how quick of a switch he is?

Probably not. 


Does it matter to me?

Not one bit.


"Can I get down and sit someplace softer? Please?"

Without answering me, he takes the cup from my hand and sets it on the counter, and lifts me down to my feet and wraps his arms around me. "I'm very sorry that I hurt you."

"You said it was supposed to hurt."

"Sting a little, not hurt. I was much too rough with you, and I'm so sorry."

He's smothering my face with kisses and holding me so gently, so carefully... stroking my face, my hair... his adoration and regret is making me dizzy, and I reach out to hold his arms to steady myself. "See? I need your arms. They always hold me up."

"I'll never take them away from you. I promise I won't. I'm sorry for everything, Claire. I failed you. Again. I'll make it right, I swear I will. I'll figure out who you need me to be... "

"Don't say that. You've never failed me. You take care of me, you just do it with a firm hand. You won't break me, I'm not as delicate as I look. I promise you I'm not. You give me everything I need. You are. You give me you. That's all I'll ever want, just the way you are."

He shakes his head and I nod mine. Agree to disagree. I close my eyes for a moment, letting all that is him claim me. It doesn't matter that he doesn't know. I know.

"Are you tired? Do you want me to take you back to bed?"

"No, not just yet. You don't have to stay up with me. I've kept you up long enough."

"If you're up, I'm up. Unless you want to be alone? Or just away from me?"

I shake my head at him and he raises an eyebrow.

One that I can hear...

"Sorry. No, I don't ever want to be away from you."

"I don't deserve that from you."

"Yes you do. I want to show you something. I want to show you what you are."

He picks up the little demon that he thinks is his self portrait and holds it up to me. "I already know."

"No. Let me show you." I walk over and open the cabinet door and take out the sugar. I open it and reach in, grabbing a handful.

He's watching me curiously, but shaking his head. "I'm not sweet... "

"Shush. Just watch." I move closer to him, but not too close, and throw the sugar into the air. I watch it fall like a diamond rain around us and smile at him. "You're glitter in the air. Beautiful. Magical. Complete and utter oblivion. Something I hope will never end, never stop pouring over me. An endless night I dream of. And endless life I wish were possible. Breath and wonder and joy. That's what you are, Jaimin. That's what you are to me. And you are sweet, and pure, and course and fine at the same time. Like sugar." I pause and look down at the mess I've made and smile again. "And a little all over the place... and I think it's beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. You're a beautiful mess, too. We were made for each other."

He gazes at me... wonder in his eyes as he speaks, "The things you say, Miss Beaulieu... " He takes my face in his hands, and kisses me so tenderly that my legs give out. His arm wraps around me, holding me to him, "Mmmm... sugar," he whispers and reaches up to tousle my hair, sending it pouring down around me once more...

I giggle like a delighted child and grab his face. "Leave the mess, I like it. Now, get me some more heaven in a cup and meet me on the couch."

"Your wish is my command."

"Well, in that case... "

"Claire."

I laugh and cover my behind as I walk out of the kitchen. Can't blame a girl for trying...


I grab a blanket from the hall closet and toss it on the couch, turn the television on low and go to the window to let a little moonlight in. I notice him right away. He's just standing there, leaning against the lamp post, smoking a cigarette and looking right at me. Jaimin is still in the kitchen, so I run for my phone and make the call.

"I know it's the middle of the night...

Yes, he's outside.

I don't know... I just noticed. He knows I saw him...

I'm not alone...

Thank you.

If you can't stop him from doing this...

I know, but...

Okay.

Just make him stop.

Please."

Jaimin's voice from behind me startles me and I jump. "Who were you talking to?"

Crap!

"Please don't get upset... "

"Claire, it's the middle of the damn night! WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO?"

"I... umm... "

"ANSWER ME!"

How could he even think that?... "He's sort of a friend of mine... his name is Loring... he's a police detective... "

"I didn't hear your phone ring."

I've never seen him so angry. Jealous.

"No, it didn't. I called him."

"Why would you be calling your police detective friend, or ANY MAN, for that matter, in the middle of the night?"

"To ask for his help."

"WITH WHAT?"

"Please calm down."

"Answer me."

"I had a relationship with his brother... "

"The one that broke the door down to help you?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"Well... I saw him."

"What Nadine said is true? He stalks you?"

"Yes. No. Sort of... he watches."

"When did you see him?"

My eyes dart to the window and he runs to it.

"That's him?"

"Yes."

He runs to the bedroom now, and I run after him. "Jaimin, please... "

"You think I can't protect you?" He takes off his pajama bottoms, oblivious to the fact that I'm watching him, and grabs his jeans from the chair, hurriedly pulling them on.

"I know you can, I just... "

"Just what?" He steps into his shoes and storms past me, back out of the room.

"I want you here with me, not in jail or hurt. Please, Jaimin. He doesn't want to hurt me... he's just never been able to let go... Loring will take care of it... "

"No, Claire, I will take care of it. You belong to me, don't you ever forget that. Now he's going to know. And don't worry about me getting hurt, that won't happen."

"I only say that because I saw.... you didn't see what he did to him... "

"I said don't worry. Lock this door behind me and don't open it for anyone but me."

Shit! The door closes and I just stand, frozen in place. This isn't happening...

"LOCK IT!" he yells from the other side of the door.

I do as I'm told and he hears what he's waiting for, and I hear his angry footsteps leading away.

I run to the window. He was fast, he's already approaching him. He seems much calmer than I expected. He's talking to him now. I see Leal look at me and cross his arms over his chest. Jaimin doesn't like that, he moves to stand in front of him and his back is now to me. He's blocking his view, and he's making a point. Possession. His. Leal is shaking his head, saying something... Jaimin steps closer to him. I want to hear them. I open the window and Leal looks around him at me and smiles.

Without turning around, Jaimin yells "CLOSE IT! NOW!"

Leal looks at him and laughs, knowing I don't like to be told what to do. His face is pure shock when I obey. He's animated now, his own desire to possess me taking over. I can't see Jaimin's face, but his change in body language tells me everything. Damn it, where is he?

Leal is pointing at me, it looks like he's yelling now... Jaimin knocks his hand down and gets eerily close to him.


Please don't fight... please don't fight... 


I see Leal take a swing, but Jaimin catches his arm in mid air and throws it down and grabs him by his jacket, practically lifting him off of the ground. A car pulls up now. Thank God. He didn't come alone. It didn't sound like I woke him, he must have been working, it's his partner with him. He's yelling at his little brother, he's mad that he's done this again. Jaimin lets go of Leal roughly and he stumbles off balance. He's listening... he seems content with what he's hearing. As much as it made him angry that I called him, he came here to protect me, putting my safety over his familial bond with his brother.

Loring is smacking him around now, I've seen this before. It doesn't make me happy, I wish it wasn't this way. I'll forever be grateful for what he did for me that night, that he was watching that night, but I can't ever give him what he wants. I can't give him me. My endless nights belong to someone else. I belong to someone else.  I always have, I just didn't know it. He hadn't found me yet. Now he has. He's claimed me. I'm his. Leal can't have me, not ever again, if he ever did. I wish he could just let go. I wish he didn't suffer so much. I wish he didn't make things so hard.

He shoves him towards the car and he tries to go back, but Loring's partner holds up handcuffs and he stops. That's all he needed to see. He gets into the backseat of the car and slams the door and I see him look at me with a hurt expression. I look away. I look at the only face that matters to me. The face that is everything. Jaimin and Loring are talking. There's no tension, just two men with a common goal. Keep me safe.

Jaimin looks at me now, and I put my hands to the glass. His mouth falls open slightly, he knows I'm asking him to come to me. I know I don't have much time, he won't make me wait. I run to the kitchen and grab another handful of sugar and run upstairs to my studio and fling the window directly above them open. Loring hands him something, I think a business card, and they shake hands. They both look up at the sound of the window opening and Loring smiles at me and heads to his car. I don't look. My past is in that direction, it's my future I want to see, and he's coming towards me, our eyes locked on each other.

I lean out the window as far as I can and he stops. I beckon him forward with my left hand and he cautiously resumes his steps, never taking his eyes off of me. As soon as he's where I want him, I sprinkle the sugar from my hand, letting it trail through my fingers slowly. It glistens in the darkness and seems suspended, truly like glitter in the air. I stare at it in awe and when our eyes meet again that's exactly the way he's looking at me. With complete awe. It knocks the breath right out of me.

"Do you think you can come down and let me in?" he calls from the sidewalk, "Or do I need to find a way up there to you?"

I nod and close the window and run down the stairs as fast as I can without tripping, and run to the door.

"Jaimin?"

"Good girl. Yes, beautiful."

I unlock the door and open it wide and jump into his arms. His arms wrap so tightly around me that I feel the pressure of them in my bones. He walks in and kicks the door shut behind him, and turns to rest me against it. Gently. His left hand moves to cup my ass, and I know it's as much to keep me off of the hard door as it is for his own indulgence. I lock my legs tighter around him, making my muscles clench in his hand and I see the spark ignite.

I fumble blindly for the lock on the door, not wanting to take my eyes from him. I find it and he smirks.

"I like that you want to be locked in with me, but you couldn't get away from me even if you wanted to."

"Is that so?"

"Yes it is, and I don't recommend you ever try, no matter how much it intrigues you to test me."

"I'm done running, remember?"

"Of course I do, I put a mountain in the middle of your path."

"Is that a clue to how big it is?"

"You're asking for it."

"Begging."

He squeezes me roughly. "It must not hurt anymore. I can fix that if you miss it. I thought you didn't like it, but perhaps I was wrong."

"I wasn't referring to that, and you know it."

"Then you should watch your smart mouth... my interpretation, remember?"

"Maybe you'd like to watch my smart mouth... I think I could show you something that would interest you."

His mouth drops open and his eyes blaze. "Fuck."

Worth it, whatever happens.


I lick my lips slowly and he sucks in his breath.

"Stop that," he breathes.

"Okay," I say in a sweet voice, "whatever you want."

It's fine... I can feel what he really wants. I smirk with the satisfaction of that clear and present knowledge and watch the fire spread.

He jerks me hard against him and my hands fall to grip his shoulders, my breath escaping from my mouth. He wants the control back, and I'm more than happy to let him take it. His eyes bore into mine, his fingers digging into me as he pulls me up harder and harder, his hips pinning me to his hand, his mouth desperate on mine. Taking. My head is spinning from the intensity of him.

His lips stop their dizzying torrent on my senses and his voice is hoarse, "Must you tease me so relentlessly?"

I don't have an answer that will please him, as if I could think...  I say nothing and bite my lip.

"Do you feel that, Claire? Do you feel how much I want you? Is that what you need?"

"I need you."

"You have me."

"I want more."

He leans his forehead against mine and closes his eyes, but doesn't move me from my precarious place against the door, instead moving his other arm under me.

"Don't be mad at me for wanting you, Jaimin. I know it's nothing new for you. I know you're used to women wanting you. I know they all want you. I know I can't compete with the offers they throw at you... you think I'm too sweet, but... "

His eyes open wide. "Can't compete?"

"You know what I mean."

"There's no competition, Claire. NONE. There's only you. You win. It was you before you even knew I existed. There will never be anyone else. You are what I want. In every sense. Clearly.

I'm not mad at you for that, how could I be? I just want it to be the right thing for you, the right time. You've been through too much this week. I want your head to be clear. A few days ago you fainted at the thought of marrying me. I know there was something else going on, but I can't forget that. I wasn't kidding. It wasn't a joke. I know it's crazy, but I've spent years waiting for you, knowing...

We're not in the same place, sweetheart. You need time to catch up. I'll wait."

"A lot has happened since then. If we're not in the same place, then maybe it's because I've passed you up."

"Not possible."

"You've been known to be wrong."

"Once or twice."

"It's okay if your ego can't own up to more than that, but I know the truth."

"Smart mouth."

"I admit to that."

"As if you could deny it?"

"Right. Now, if you're not going to rattle this door, could you put me down?"

"You're adorable."

"Adorable can't feel her legs."

"Couch or bed?"

"Wherever you want me."

"When will I ever learn?... "

"Actually, couch until I get feeling back. If you put me in bed I'll never get up and I made a mess in the kitchen that needs cleaning up."

"I'll do that, it's partly mine."

"No... "

He puts his finger to my lips, "Shhh. I love the mess you made in there. You made it for me." He lays me down on the couch and brushes his thumb across my cheek. "Rain check on the door rattling, I promise."

He walks over to the window and I watch him scan the street before closing the drapes and walking back to me. "If I hadn't have heard you on the phone, would you have told me?"

Oh no. I sit up and hold my hand out to him. He takes it and sits next to me, looking at me expectantly. "Yes, Jaimin, I would have told you."

"When would you have told me?"

"Probably after Loring dragged him away."

"That's the wrong choice. You can't keep secrets from me, especially not where your safety is concerned."

"He wouldn't hurt me."

"He's obsessed with you, Claire. I saw it with my own eyes, heard it with my own ears. He still believes you're meant to be with him."

"What happened out there?"

"You were watching."

"Yes, but I couldn't hear."

"I didn't want you to hear."

"Will you tell me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It isn't important that you know."

"But I want to know."

"I told him you're mine."

"And?"

"Other things. Nothing you need to hear."

"It's about me... "

"Why is it so important to you? Is it his words you want to hear?"

"Jaimin... "

"Answer the question, Claire."

"No, of course not. Nevermind, I don't need to know. You're right, it's not important. I trust you. Thank you for protecting me."

"You don't have to thank me for that, but you do have to tell me if you see him again."

"Okay."

"I mean it."

"I promise."

"He's unstable, Claire. I need you to understand that. I don't want you to be afraid, I would never let anything happen to you, but I'm not as convinced as you are that he wouldn't hurt you."

"He protected me... "

"I know that, and I'm glad he was watching you that night, but he wants you. He's irrational with his want. I made it clear to him that he'll never have you. I made him crazy. I saw it in his eyes. He knows it's different this time. He's desperate with that knowledge. He's a danger to you."

"I still don't think... "

"ANY CONTACT. If he calls you, you tell me. If he texts you, you tell me. If you see him, anywhere, even if you walk into some place he is, you tell me. Me, Claire. IMMEDIATELY. Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"And no more phone calls. I didn't like that."

"You jumped to an irrational conclusion. I didn't like that."

"Don't give me reasons to."

"You should know better."

"It doesn't matter what I know. NO MORE PHONE CALLS. If you want to talk to someone, for any reason, you ask me."

Oh, now that's just too much... "That's a little intense, Jaimin. I shouldn't have to... "

He grabs my face less than gently in his hands and his tone leaves no room for argument, "Those are the rules. You will abide by them."

Ugh! "Fine."

"I don't like that answer, try again."

His eyes are a warning. I don't like it, but I'm captive to them, so I heed their message. "Okay. If that's what you want. Ask you first. Any other rules you'd like to impart at this time?"

"Watch your mouth. You'll be informed of any new rules as they arise, and as I see fit."

He's so infuriating! Him and his cocky... sexy, cocky attitude... crap... and I wouldn't change a thing.


"Okay, Mr. Bossy, as you see fit. Now, I have a rule of my own. Never go to bed and leave a mess."

"Fair enough. Put a broom in my hand and call me your slave." He stands up and pulls me to my feet, and leads me to the kitchen.

The sight before us makes me smile. "It does look a little like a crime scene... but a very sweet one. You could evil it up by playing slave boy au naturel."

"You are the most infuriatingly persistent person I have ever known, Miss Beaulieu, and while I admire your determination, NOT going to happen."

"It was worth a shot, and a brilliant idea if you ask me, Mr. Guillory."

He gives me a playful smack on the ass with his response, "Worth something. And what did I tell you about calling me a boy?"

"That didn't hurt," I tease, "and I've been trying relentlessly to get you to prove to me how much of a man you are... "

I'm cut off by his hand on my mouth and an exasperated sigh. I can't help but laugh. He's not angry this time. He winks at me, and it's all clear, despite my wobbly legs...

Sound.

Light.

No space, just the oblivion that is him...

and air.

Beautiful, chaotic air.





                                                   ~ ~ ~


** Author's note : Clearly I've taken some inspiration from the brilliant and amazingly talented Pink. The title is hers, the song is hers, and some of the words are hers, although twisted a little... the rest of the chaos that is this chapter is all me. And THEM.              ~CM

*** Lyrics and my personal favorite video (property of Sony Music Entertainment) for this beautiful song...                      
            What could be better than Pink LIVE?? AMAZING.

                                        GLITTER IN THE AIR


                      Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
                                   Closed your eyes and trusted
                                                Just trusted


                   Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air? 
       Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care" ?


                             It's only half past the point of no return
                                           The tip of the iceberg
                                         The sun before the burn
                                  The thunder before the lightning
                                     The breath before the phrase
                                     Have you ever felt this way?


                   Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone
              Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone


                  Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
                     Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?


                              It's only half past the point of oblivion
                                       The hourglass on the table
                                         The walk before the run
                  The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
                                      Have you ever felt this way?


                                                    La la la la
                                                    La la la la


                                                 There you are
                                            Sitting in the garden
                                            Clutching my coffee
                                              Calling me sugar
                                            You called me sugar
                                                          Oh
                                                          Oh
                                                          No
                                                          No
                                                          No


                            Have you ever wished for an endless night?
                                      Lassoed the moon and the stars
                                          And pulled that rope tight


                                      Have you ever held your breath
                    And asked yourself "Will it ever get better than tonight" ?
                                                        Tonight